DAD’S BABY BLUES
It’s generally thought of as something new moms battle with, but fathers sometimes also get postpartum depression
WHEN Jack Post found himsel f sobbing next to his baby’s crib, he knew something was wrong. He should have been crying tears of joy, he thought, but instead Jack (34) felt like he had a dark cloud hanging over him – one that was preventing him from bonding with his six-month-old son, Gordon.
Jack, a radio DJ in Australia, said everything changed after the birth of his son.
“I was giddy with excitement during the pregnancy. I was so excited for him. I couldn’t wait. I felt like I did a 10 out of 10 job of being a husband right up to the birth and then something changed after he was born. It was really strange,” he said, speaking on his radio show.
Jack was excited when Gordon was born and relieved that his wife, Bianca, was well. However, the crazy amount of love he’d been told he would feel for his baby just wasn’t there.
“I felt guilt and shame for bringing this little guy into the world. I was meant to love him so much, but I couldn’t feel that for him.”
Instead he’d sit in Gordon’s nursery nightly, with his head between his knees, crying uncontrollably.
“I went through what is called a postnatal or postpartum depression – something I didn’t even know new fathers could get.
“I thought it was something we had to be worried about for Bianca as I know there is a high rate of postnatal
or postpartum depression in new mums, but I was the one feeling it.”
BABY BLUES SYMPTOMS IN MEN
Also known as the baby blues, postpartum depression (PPD) typically sets in any time within a year of giving birth and is usually seen as a female condition. It can however also affect fathers.
According to research published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, between eight and 10% of men who become fathers experience PPD.
There is a common belief that maternal instinct is innate and automatic, but Chelsea Conaboy, author of Mother Brain: How Neuroscience Is Rewriting the Story of Parenthood, says this is in fact a myth and it’s one that can affect a man’s mental health.
In a recent interview she said there’s now research showing that fathers are also changed by becoming caregivers.
While new fathers don’t experience the pain of childbirth and don’t have to recover physically while also taking care of a newborn, having a baby is a major life change.
The exhaustion, stress, money worries and the shift in your relationship with your partner – now co-parent – is overwhelming for both.
“Postpartum depression and anxiety are better studied for mothers than fathers, but there is research showing that fathers are also at risk for postpartum psychiatric illness,” says Joanna Kleovoulou, a clinical psychologist and the founder of PsychMatters Family Centre in Bedfordview. On top of this some dads, like Jack, may feel guilty about everything their partner is going through and has to deal with. However, there are subtle differences in the symptoms experienced by men and those experienced by women.
Signs of PPD in women include mood swings, tearfulness, anxiety and difficulty sleeping, says Dr Bavi Vythilingum, a psychiatrist at Akeso Kenilworth in Cape Town.
“In more severe cases, there may also be a persistent feeling of sadness, low mood lasting for two weeks or more, lack of interest, guilt and hopelessness.”
Other symptoms include a lack of enjoyment and loss of interest in the outside world, lethargy, trouble sleeping, exhaustion, difficulty bonding with the baby, withdrawing from people, problems concentrating and making decisions, as well as frightening thoughts of harming the baby or yourself.
According to Kleovoulou, men are more likely to experience irritability, indecisiveness and restricted range of emotion. “Substance abuse and workaholism are also more likely to occur in men,” she adds.
For men, PPD sometimes only manifests a year after the child is born, Kleovoulou says.