ASK DR LOUISE
‘THINK OF EACH FAILURE, EACH HEARTACHE AND EACH LOSS IN YOUR LIFE AS A LESSON IN COURAGE AND RESILIENCE’
– KATE ANDERSON
I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BIPOLAR AND MY LIFE HAS FALLEN APART
Q I always knew I was inclined to be depressed, but there were also times when I felt that I could move the world. I thought that’s how most people felt until I recently hit a very bad low and consulted a psychiatrist about my feelings of hopelessness.
He diagnosed me with bipolar 2 mood disorder and I feel as if my life has come crashing down around me.
I feel that many people don’t want to be associated with someone who suffers from this psychiatric disorder.
How do I deal with this? Miranda, email
A The important thing to remember is that bipolar mood disorder can be well controlled as long as you stick to the treatment your doctor prescribes. The mood swings you experience are caused by a neurochemical imbalance that needs to be controlled with medication.
Some patience may be required, however. It may take your psychiatrist some time to find the correct combination of medication. You may find that the first cocktail of medication doesn’t improve things enough, or there may be side effects that you can’t live with, and in this case your doctor will need to change your medication. Do not despair if this happens – your doctor will find a balance that’s good for you.
Something that tends to happen with people who have bipolar disorder is that they stop taking their medication as soon as they feel better. The intense mood swings then return – the first sign usually being problems with the significant others in their lives – and then they’re back to square one.
Unfortunately there’s still a fair amount of stigma around mental illness. The first step is for you to stop feeling shame about it, so you can talk about it openly and educate those around you.
Because it’s a condition of the mind, people find it difficult to understand, but the bottom line is you have a condition for which you take medication, not unlike someone with diabetes or high blood pressure.
WHY IS LIFE SO UNFAIR?
Q I lost my husband eight years ago and he was sterilised so we never had children. Two years after he died, I feel in love again but I think the guy just used me. We split up after our baby was stillborn. I met a guy a year ago but found out he lied to me and is married.
It seems I can’t meet the right person. I feel used and think no one can possibly love me. I’m 42, obese and unhappy. I try my best to lose weight but keep failing. I really don’t know why my life is like this.
I don’t really have friends as they all have their own lives. I don’t have anybody to talk to. I live with my sister, and her children keep me busy. But I really want my own family. Why is life so unfair? Mia, email A It’s easy to feel life is unfair when we look around and everyone else seems blissfully happy. However, it’s an illusion because even if people appear to be happy, no one never really knows.
Your experience with the two men you feel used you was unfortunate but you now need to take control of your life rather than get lost in feelings of bitterness. Start making changes where you can – see a doctor for a checkup as problems with the thyroid and insulin-resistance can make weight loss difficult. A nutritionist could help you work out an eating plan.
Get moving – dance, cycle, hike or go to the gym – as physical activity will help you feel better. You can also volunteer at organisations that need help. These can also be good ways to meet new people and helping others often make you realise how fortunate you are.
I REGRET GETTING DIVORCED
Q When I was married I felt trapped because I felt that my wife forced me to get married before I was ready to. Instead of telling her that I think we should wait, I was a coward and simply went along with it.
I then started having affairs, and spent my spare time hanging out with my friends like a typical bachelor. Obviously my wife wasn’t happy, and tried to talk to me about it but I just carried on. So she left me and filed for divorce.
I’ve realised now, after three years of being divorced, how boring the dating scene is and that I let a good wife slip through my fingers. She’s found someone else and is now happily married.
Every day I think about how I can never forgive myself for being so stupid. How do I get past this? Charles, email
A Everybody makes mistakes and sometimes they are serious mistakes that can’t be rectified. In this case we can only hope to learn from them. There’s no value in constantly thinking about the past and getting lost in regret. You need to accept what happened so you can forgive yourself and move on. Just as your ex found love again, you will too.
Forget about the dating scene and focus on doing things you enjoy where you can simply be yourself. There’s less stress and less pretence meeting people through your hobbies.