WHY DO MEN FEEL ENTITLED TO SEX?
I’ve been divorced for two years and I’m struggling to find love again. Whenever I date a man he wants to jump into bed after the first date, when I don’t even know him at all. When I refuse sex, these men usually view it as if they’ve wasted their money to wine and dine me because they’re not getting anything for it.
What is happening to the world? What has happened with courting and getting to know each other before indulging in the ultimate intimacy, sex? It’s not as if I’m against sex – in fact I have to control myself after a heavy petting session not to give in to the temptation to have sex with a guy on the first date, especially if I’m very attracted to him physically.
But I don’t want to do it because I believe we should at least establish a friendship and get to know each other before we have sex. Am I wrong in expecting this?
What can I do not to get backlash after the first date? Leonie, email
You have been unlucky to date men who are so focused on sex. There are many men who wouldn’t react that way and who also want to get to know a woman better before progressing to sex.
Next time someone asks you out on a date – and you want to say yes – try being upfront about it right away. Tell him you’d love to go out on a date with him but that you want to make sure you are on the same page in terms of your views about sex. Say that you don’t want to have sex too early and want to take your time.
Tell him you’re not assuming anything about him, but that you just want to be honest and would like him to think about it and then let you know if he still wants to go on a date. If he does, then at least you know you have addressed the issue and made your expectations clear. And hopefully it sets the tone for open and honest communication. Honesty is always the best policy in relationships.