I FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW I TREATED MY PARENTS

Q I was an impossible teenager and my parents went out of their way to cope with me and teach me the lessons I’d need later in life. I resented them for it and even as I went into adulthood I couldn’t see that what they were doing for me was for my own good.

I thought they were just trying to ruin my fun by not allowing me to go out with friends until the early hours and making a fuss about drugs.

My parents were killed in a car accident a few years back. In the meantime I’ve matured and now have a teenage son of my own. Only now do I realise what my parents did for me and that they were just trying to protect me.

I see now how special my parents were and I feel extremely guilty about all the hateful things I said to them. I wish I could take it back. How do I deal with this guilt and regret I’m feeling? Max, email

A One of the unfortunate things in life is that we can’t undo the mistakes we regret. What’s been said and done can’t be changed once we know better. We can only do better from that point on.

I’m sure your parents knew you weren’t mature enough to understand what they were trying to do. But it is a parent’s job to discipline children even when they don’t understand the value of it. I’m sure they believed that you’d understand one day when you had children of your own.

In order to process the feelings you’re having now, sit down and write a letter to your parents in which you tell them exactly how you feel now that you have the maturity and insight you have.

When you’ve finished it, read through it again and imagine what type of letter you’d get back from them if they were still alive.

Considering their unconditional love for you, their letter would most likely contain the following message: that they love you and have long ago forgiven you for the things you said because they knew it was due to immaturity and a lack of insight. They’d probably end off by saying how proud they are of the man you’ve become.

⬛o instead of feeling guilty, forgive yourself and live the lessons they taught you.