1 DON’T TALK UNTIL YOU UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER

Many therapists begin with communication, encouraging the couple to talk and listen.

That makes no sense to me – what’s the point of talking and listening if you don’t understand what your partner is really saying? One common dynamic is when a woman tells a man what she needs, he’ll interpret it through his own masculine, filtering system. This creates a problem. ⬛he might say, “I’ve got a big problem I’m worried about.” His focus will be on the problem and so he tries to fix it for her, because he thinks that’s why she’s raised it.

He instantly makes her problem as small as possible, as minimising is what he does with his own problems. But she feels he doesn’t care, so she becomes upset.

He now thinks she’s impossible to please – so they get trapped in a negative cycle. What she really needs from him is to care about how she feels.

LESSON Learn to embrace the differences in a relationship. This has the potential to be a great strength because it’s the foundation of lasting attraction and passion.

ACTION Men should listen without trying to solve the problem – the objective is to care, not fix. Women should understand that masculine energy is about protection, efficiency, letting go and moving on, so appreciate those strengths.