3 WHEN PEOPLE SAY HURTFUL THINGS, DON’T JUDGE THEM

Often an argument will come down to your emotional state in the moment. It’s not the cup left in the sink that causes the explosion of temper, it’s a buildup of fears, worries and resentments about life not being how we think it should be.

To help your partner, ask yourself, “Is that my husband/wife, or isn’t it?”

You must know who they are deep down and know when they aren’t being themselves. In almost every case, they’re still the person you know and love, but at that moment they’re feeling emotionally challenged and acting out of character.

Chances are your partner isn’t deliberately trying to hurt you. If men say hurtful things, it’s often because they’re frustrated and don’t know what to do.

If women are doing so, it’s usually because they’re trying to “wake him up”, because they want him to acknowledge what they feel.

Don’t walk away because that feels like abandonment. Ask yourself, “What must they be going through to have said that?”

LESSON Rather than judging, remember who they really are. Judging someone isn’t loving them.

ACTION Remind yourself to care before you respond. They’ve lost the connection with themselves – you need to help them back.