LIFE OF A TODDLER

Only after experiencing my very first toddler meltdown as a mom did I actually understand what the fuss was about. Of course it happened in the shops, and of course they were packed, and of course I got stared down by about a thousand perfect parents who have never had to deal with anything as embarrassing. But as we were slinking out the door – or I was slinking as my daughter was protesting – I had a bit of a lightbulb moment. If this was such a big deal for me, how much worse was it for her? We tend to forget how overwhelming the world must be for these tiny beings, so surely a tantrum or two is only to be expected?

A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with a terminal illness, and the devastating news really brought my own legacy into perspective. I started thinking about all the things I want to say to my own daughter, about all the things I want her to know. The truth is, there just isn’t enough time for it all, no matter how much longer any of us have to live. So I decided to start writing her letters that say it all – everything I’ve ever wanted to share with her. I’m not doing it all in one go, but taking my time and theming each letter for a specific life event. Each of them has a title that tells her when to open them: “Open When Your Heart Gets Broken”, “Open When You’re Having A Bad Day”, “Open When A Dream Comes True”, etc. I know this may seem quite insensitive in light of my friend’s plight, but she knows she has my undying support and love – and we are all doing what we can to help her through this. Yet I also know that anything can happen, at any time. That today may be the very last time I get to see my little girl. So I want to do what I can to leave a bit of me behind, so that whenever my time comes my daughter still gets to hear my voice (even if that’s through a letter or two). I know she will appreciate the gesture, however morbid it may seem to others.