daddy’s girl, mommy’s boy

Your Baby & Toddler - - Just for you -

“It’s quite common in fam­i­lies for a par­ent to get on bet­ter with one child than another, and this can lead to ten­sions as the other child may feel more dis­crim­i­nated against,” says Brian Blem, a coun­selling psy­chol­o­gist. It can also lead to co­par­ent­ing dis­agree­ments, where, for in­stance, a fa­ther may dis­agree with the mother about the sever­ity of a pun­ish­ment for his “Daddy’s Girl” daugh­ter.

In sit­u­a­tions like th­ese, all the steps to suc­cess­ful co­par­ent­ing ap­ply: com­mu­ni­cate, stick to­gether, be con­sis­tent, and get help if nec­es­sary. “I also rec­om­mend that each par­ent en­sures qual­ity one on one time es­pe­cially with the child who might be feel­ing ne­glected or mis­un­der­stood,” adds Brian.

con­se­quences: the child “chooses” the par­ent who gives them the most priv­i­leges or the least dis­ci­pline, and as the par­ents move into sep­a­rate camps, the child may feel re­spon­si­ble for the con­flict, and as a re­sult be­come con­fused, anx­ious and guilty. “If par­ents are clash­ing on parenting styles, they’re prob­a­bly clash­ing on many other is­sues too,” sug­gests Brian. “I highly rec­om­mend that cou­ples in this po­si­tion seek cou­ples coun­selling. Chil­dren need two key el­e­ments in their de­vel­op­ment: safety and and a sense of their own sig­nif­i­cance,” says Brian. “But this safety and sense of sig­nif­i­cance need to be forged be­tween the cou­ple if the chil­dren are to ex­pe­ri­ence such el­e­ments in their own lives. So the best thing you can give your child is to love, con­sider and re­spect your part­ner.”

Co­par­ents who don’t live to­gether of­ten need help more than those who do. “Di­vorced and sep­a­rated par­ents have to be ma­ture in ne­go­ti­at­ing and bar­gain­ing to reach a com­pro­mised style of parenting that will be in the best in­ter­ests of their chil­dren,” says Mochabo.

Even though it gets hard, re­mem­ber that your child is the most im­por­tant thing. So if things aren’t quite right be­tween you and your part­ner, never let your lit­tle one come off sec­ond best. YB

the right way of parenting is what works for the child and par­ent

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