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MY TWO-YEAR-OLD HAS STARTED TOUCHING HERSELF ‘DOWN THERE’ – AND AT THE MOST EMBARRASSING TIMES TOO! WHY IS SHE DOING THIS AND HOW CAN I GET HER TO STOP?

For parents, childhood masturbation can be a very difficult topic to discuss or understand as there is a stigma attached to it. However, this type of behaviour is a normal stage of childhood development for very young children, so it’s usually nothing you should be embarrassed about. Children learn about their bodies by looking, touching and exploring, and body exploration is a normal part to growing up. The main reason children touch themselves is because it feels good.

As masturbation feels good, children will often do it at the most awkward or inappropriate times. Masturbation in young children is not a sexual act as it is for adults. You may need to put aside your own perceptions of sexuality and the way you grew up in order to better help their child at this stage of her development. It is important to note that if it starts happening very frequently, or if your child starts hurting themselves in some way (with constant rubbing), then it may be a sign that your child is stressed or anxious, or that she may be feeling emotionally overwhelmed. Touching herself may then be a coping mechanism, used to calm herself down in these difficult or stressful situations.

When you see your daughter touching herself it is important to not overact and shout or scold her for it. That could result in your daughter feeling that what she is doing is wrong. This can then have a significant impact on her later as she may grow up to associate sexual or pleasurable feelings with guilt and shame. What a pity! The best thing to do in this situation is to remain calm. Do not make a big deal about it, rather try to distract her and encourage her to do something else with her hands. Possibly carry her favourite toy around with you for a while that you can distract her with, especially if this is something that happens frequently in public. Once you are home, try talking to her about why she touches herself and teach her that it is something she should only do in private. This may be difficult to get her to understand, as young children do not fully understand the concept of privacy – but it is only through talking to her that she will learn these concepts. Through this, you may also learn whether she is doing this only as it feels good, or if she is uncomfortable in some situations, which allows you to be more aware of her emotions, and give you the opportunity to teach her more appropriate coping mechanisms.

Remember, it is never too early to talk to your child about her private parts and about touching herself. Make sure that she understands that no one (only she herself) is allowed to touch her in those areas. The less you bring attention to it the more relaxed your child will be, and slowly she will learn to only do this in private. You should also try to pay attention to the context in which the behaviour occurs as it may indicate that possible environments may make her more stressed and anxious. If you notice that it is only in certain contexts that she masturbates, or if she starts doing it more often, you may need to consult with a professional as there may be other factors that need to be considered, such as infections that could be causing her discomfort. If distracting her and talking to her does not have the desired impact, you may want to consult with a psychologist who would be able to understand the behaviour better.