TECHNIQUES THAT DON’T WORK
Responding to aggression with aggression will have catastrophic results, over the short and long term. Whatever your views are about corporal punishment – it’s not the solution for when your child is having an anger attack. To shout and scold is also not the answer. Your child already feels like he has no control over a situation, so it’s important that you as a parent act in a controlled manner.
If you try and gain the upper hand over or quell your child’s anger with your own, it will lead to one of two scenarios: He’s going to continue fighting back, he’s not going to learn the skills required to handle his anger, and he will keep on feeling and acting like the “difficult child”; or he’s going to give up and bottle up his anger, which can lead to psychosomatic illnesses such as tummy- and headaches and bedwetting.
Fighting anger with anger damages your child’s self-image, and he doesn’t learn how to assert himself. In the long run, he won’t be in a position to form his own opinion about things or people.
On the other hand, if you give in to things you would normally not have just because your child is throwing a tantrum,
you’re creating bigger problems for yourself.
By submitting yourself to your child’s will every time he has a tantrum just to keep the peace, you’re continuously shifting the boundaries of acceptable behaviour, and you’ll eventually have a child who doesn’t know what acceptable behaviour is. Unacceptable behaviour becomes his norm. Such children become brats who’ll for the rest of their lives use manipulation to get what they want. If everyone gathers around the angry little toddler, coaxing and pleading with him, he’s going to expect this reaction for the rest of his life.
At some point, though, someone’s going to refuse to give in to him, and then he won’t have developed the emotional skills to change tack.