Help shy children come out of their shell

Is your toddler shy and self-conscious all of a sudden? This phase in a child’s life is normal, but you don’t want them to stay that way, writes Sandra Coetzee

MANY ONCE-EXUBERANT TODDLERS

can suddenly become self-conscious, seemingly overnight. All of a sudden they’re too shy to greet visitors or to say thank you when they receive a gift.

How you handle the shy phase is important, because the emotional building blocks are laid during the toddler years. Bloemfontein clinical psychologist Dr Elize Groenewald says toddlers learn to replace being shy with independence. “You need to guard against making your child even more shy. If you are ashamed because he is not mastering his tasks, or because he behaves poorly in front of others, he senses your embarrassment and will become even more withdrawn,” she says.

“We often hear parents say ‘shame on you for behaving so badly… come and say hello’. Such utterances are detrimental, especially for children between the ages of two and four years old. It is not a good idea to force your child to greet people. Remember they feel shy and exposed very easily when you tell them to ‘say hello to auntie Pam right now’.” BRAVE AND UNCERTAIN Before the age of three, kids are not aware that they can master things on their own. Some time after their third birthday they increasingly become aware of the things they can do themselves. This is when the voice in his head starts raging. On the one hand he wants to do it all by himself, but on the other hand he wonders if he’ll get it right. If you discourage him now he’ll doubt his own abilities and can develop a low self-esteem. This can be challenging for parents because some children are stubborn and will test you. Sometimes you just know that there is no way on earth that your child will succeed in doing a certain task. This is when you need to grind your teeth and let him learn – and fail – through trying. If you are constantly stepping in to do things for him he will eventually either rebel or get discouraged. Some toddlers suppress their rebellion, but it could surface unexpectedly during the teenage years. Allow him to try out things for himself first. A STRONG WILL IS A GOOD TRAIT

Somewhere between the age of two and four your toddler will insist on things like bathing or dressing himself. Let him! Discouraging him can make him doubt his abilities.

Your child is now becoming aware of himself as a separate, independent being. He is developing a will of his own. Don’t be surprised when he insists on having his way now and then. Even though this is hard to believe, it is an important part of his development. Give him a limited number of options, and enjoy his emerging abilities! YB

IF YOU ARE ASHAMED BECAUSE HE IS NOT MASTERING HIS TASKS... HE SENSES YOUR EMBARRASSMENT AND WILL BECOME EVEN MORE WITHDRAWN