Your late talker

Many toddlers lie, steal and cheat, but relax – it’s completely normal

WE’RE ALWAYS WARNED of toddler tantrums, but no one ever warns us that most toddlers are sometimes guilty of lying, cheating and stealing. Before you worry, relax – these undesirable traits are normal. At this stage, toddlers want instant gratification, are figuring out boundaries, right from wrong, reality from imagination, and little from a lot, which is why they commonly lie, steal and cheat.

LYING

Toddlers don’t lie out of malice, and there is no premeditation to their lies. According to educational psychologist Kerry Skinner, until the age of three, children do not really understand what lying is, and so are lying without conscious awareness.

Remember too that their imaginations are very active and they might embellish things.

Or else they don’t often remember how things happened.

HOW TO MANAGE IT

Kerry suggests you model appropriate behaviour and put the ball in your toddler’s court.

“Start teaching your toddler to see things from another person’s perspective. Play to his self-centredness and ask how he would feel if the situation were reversed. For example: ‘How would you like it if Zack said you did it, when in fact you didn’t?’” Encourage honesty all the time, and praise it when it comes along.

CHEATING

According to Kerry, childhood is a time of skill acquisition, learning new things and striving for self-mastery. “All children inherently want to win because they are busy moving through the phase of selfmastery. Parents often have the urge to let their young child win at games, but this is not teaching him to follow the rules.”

HOW TO MANAGE IT

Say, “I understand how badly you want to win,” but explain that all games will be boring if your child always wins. If a child doesn’t follow the rules, then you don’t play the game.

STEALING

Kerry says the most common and basic reason kids steal is because they want what everyone else has, or because they want it, but can’t have it. Toddlers generally don’t understand the idea of personal possessions, so if they want something, they’ll take it.

HOW TO MANAGE IT

Kerry advises you view your child’s stealing as a teaching moment – an opportunity to instruct right from wrong.

For example, Ben takes a truck from Sipho’s bag. Say to Ben: “I know how much you love trucks, and they are fun to play with.” Then you could say that Sipho loves trucks too, and that the truck belongs to him. Tell Ben that he needs to give the truck back to Sipho and say sorry to him.

You could then speak to Ben about ways he can get his own truck – for instance, by waiting for his birthday or by completing rewards charts. YB