There are couples who decide never to have kids because they don’t feel up to the negative influence children have on a marriage. There are also numerous studies that show that couples who decide to remain childless have a higher likelihood of a happy marriage.
Marriage is already a challenge, and children are inclined to make cracks in a marriage burst wide open and seriously complicate underlying problems. So when you sit on your childless friend’s white sofa and marvel at her designer life, remember that the flip side of the coin is also true.
Children can bring a wonderful new dimension to your marriage and help you grow and challenge you to be a better person. They can enrich your life and bring much joy and pleasure all the way into your old age.
Children can deepen your love for your partner and create a special bond between you. But it all depends on you. To have a positive attitude and take care of your marriage is a choice you make. And it’s a choice that will be tested again and again over time. As a parent you’re often unsure about things. But a positive attitude is the best way to start.
“It was only with our second child that I realised that my husband and I seldom talk about anything but the children. With your first child it’s an adventure for both of you, and it’s fun talking about your baby.
“But there came a point with our second child when I felt like I wanted to scream when he started asking me about the children. It was as if he couldn’t associate me with anything else but the children,” says Hanlie (32).
“When our baby arrived it suddenly felt like I could do nothing right. I admit that I didn’t read as much about childcare as my wife did but it was as if she wanted to bite my head off every time I asked something or made a suggestion. It’s as if I had to anticipate all kinds of things and come to certain conclusions from the information she gave me – it felt like she expected me to read her mind.
“She still complains that she has to spell everything out for me, but it’s unfortunately the only way in which I can confidently make a contribution! It changed our relationship substantially,” shares Le Roux (37).