INFERTILITY IS RUINING MY MARRIAGE

Q: My husband and I have been trying to conceive for the last two years. I love him very much, but the impatience and waiting is starting to take its toll. Why is infertility putting such a strain on our marriage? A: Infertility puts a huge amount of pressure on a marriage, especially when it comes to communication, emotional bonding and sexual intimacy. Also, men and women tend to handle infertility in different ways, and these differences also lead to conflict. Because of the feelings of pressure, disappointment, hopelessness and sadness that often accompany infertility, it’s of the utmost importance to pay closer attention to your relationship during this time to make sure that your marriage doesn’t end up paying the ultimate price. Here are some tips... Talk to each other often about your needs. Keep in mind that every person responds differently and has different needs, so be sensitive towards each other. Put some fun back in your relationship, especially in the bedroom. Do adventurous things together. Laugh together and be silly sometimes. Try to live a more balanced life. Don’t allow your pregnancy plans to rule over everything. Focus on what’s already good in your lives. Gather as much information as possible about your situation so that you can make informed decisions about treatment. But be wary of obsessive behaviour – too much information can also be damaging. Learn healthy coping skills. Avoidance is not a healthy coping mechanism. Research shows that the following mechanisms can be advantageous for you, your marriage and even for your chances of getting pregnant... Social support: Chat to friends and professionals about your emotions and thoughts. Planning and problem solving: Do everything you can to find possible solutions to your situation and have conversations regularly with your husband about the options and possibilities. Positive re-evaluation: Take a new look at the whole experience of infertility to see if there have been unexpected advantages in personal growth. In other words: What can I learn out of this? Counselling: Consult a relationship counsellor who can help you strengthen your relationship and help you as an individual to deal with the experience better on a personal level. Spiritual support: Focus on your faith and make use of your spiritual support network to help get you through this time. YP