CHOOSE THE BEST BIRTH PARTNER
We asked moms who’ve experienced all sorts of births – from emergency C-sections to planned hospital and home births – to share the best thing their husbands, partners, sisters, mothers and doulas did as birth partners. Compiled by Melany Bendix
1. DO EXACTLY AS SHE ASKS
“He took all my crazy requests seriously. I didn’t feel like I had to stress or fight for anything.”
MAVOUREEN STREET
“For me, the point of a home birth is for the mother to feel that she has as much control over her birthing environment as possible. He took my birthing list and followed it to a T. I wanted my special music played, my crystals placed just so, lavender burned, only base oils used for massage, cold watermelon on the ready. And that’s exactly what I got, no questions asked.”
ERNESTINE DEANE 2. BE HER SPOKESPERSON
“I was crowded by nurses asking me questions about stuff that I couldn’t think about. My husband dealt with them, sent them away and turned off the light. This was excellent. He also managed to coax the nurses back in (they were sulking) when I was actually giving birth.” PAULA KINGWELL “My mom was my first birth partner and she defended me when the nurse didn’t believe that I was actually in labour!”
NINA SARALINA 3. TAKE CARE OF ALL THE PRACTICALITIES
“Setting up the pool, getting me drinks, checking the heating in the room, looking after the midwives. My partner doing all these things reassured me that this was a normal, natural thing and that we were in it together.”
DANIELLE BATIST 4. BE TUNED IN TO HER NEEDS
“My husband was completely emotionally and physically present throughout the birth. He was able to anticipate all my needs and was in it with me. Every two minutes I needed water, to be lifted out of the chair to the toilet, to have a pad changed, and he didn’t complain once, but was just there for me: willing and able. I couldn’t have asked for anything better than that.” ALEX SMITH “My man made sure that my birth space was a calm, peaceful and safe space. He didn’t flap or talk too much or expect me to converse.”
JENNIFER JACKSON-VEITCH 5. DISTRACT HER AT THE RIGHT TIME
“My sister found some funny stuff on Facebook while I waited for six hours in theatre for a caesarean section. It was a welcome distraction.”
LUCILLE DAWKSHAS 6. MASSAGE HER
“My husband was my birth partner for my second baby and he massaged my hands and feet. Even though I felt sweaty and disgusting, it helped me to relax.”
NINA SARALINA 7. BE STRONG FOR HER
“When I thought I couldn’t do it anymore, he was there to guide me and say I can and I will.”
SIMONE CILLIERS
“Being able to squeeze his hand through contractions and look into his eyes helped me through each one.”
AANIYAH OMARDIEN 8. MAKE HER FEEL SAFE
“What my doula brought to my birth was a sense of safety and containing my fear. She was able to console me in the darkest hours with reassuring affirmations; allowing me to know that what I was feeling was good and normal and didn’t mean I was dying!”
ASHLEA DOLLER 9. THINK OF WHAT SHE’LL NEED AFTERWARDS
“My planned home birth ended in an emergency C-section. After it was all over he went home to clean everything up so that I came home to a clear space instead of a mess.”
AMY ROSENTHAL
“After all three of my births, my favourite replenishment snack was cheese toasties. My partner would prepare a tray full for me to enjoy while I was cuddling and breastfeeding our baby.”
ERNESTINE DEANE 10. BE WITH BABY WHEN SHE CAN’T
“I had an unplanned (and unwanted) C-section and only saw our baby boy for a couple of seconds before he was whisked away to the nursery while I remained in theatre and then in post-op. I was so upset that he would be alone and worried that something would happen to him. My husband stayed with baby and didn’t leave his side until they both joined me more than an hour later. It made all the difference knowing that one of his parents was looking after him.”
KIRSTY HOLMES