Q&A month 2
Q: I’m 26 years old and eight weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I are fighting continuously because I told him he needs to tell his parents that I’m pregnant. His mother never approved of our relationship and he is scared to tell his parents because he believes he has disappointed them somehow. I just hate the fact that my baby has to be this much of a secret and I’m worried that my stress is affecting the baby. A: I can hear your frustration at having to hide your pregnancy so that your boyfriend doesn’t have to suffer the consequences with his parents. It’s time he grows up and faces the consequences. His parents will no doubt be shocked and disappointed, but given enough time, they might come to accept it and even be a source of love and support to their new grandchild. There’s a little baby here that belongs to him and his family as much as the baby belongs to you and your family. The two of you would have to plan for how he will be able to support you and the baby during pregnancy, birth and beyond. I’m not sure what your cultural norms are, but it would probably be appropriate to give him fair chance to process this reality (a week or two), and a deadline by when you wish for him to have spoken to his parents or else you will let them know. Stress does affect the baby to some extent, but remember that some stress during pregnancy is inevitable. You must rather focus your attention on the things that are within your control and know that the baby benefits from your love and conscious acceptance of the pregnancy. Pretend that the baby is already a living presence that can hear, feel and understand, and speak to your baby, reassuring the baby that you will do the best you can to take care of him or her. I can’t promise you that things will be okay, but I do know that you can move forward in your life and make this work. Please ensure that you get the support you need from family and friends.
Counselling psychologist and hypnobirthing practitioner KARIN STEYN