A LETTER TO MY BABY

There are still two months until we meet, but I'm already writing letters to you. This is probably just one of the many times you'll be reminded that your mom is a sentimental writer. You've been warned. Even though I've been carrying you for just a few months, it already feels like there's so much to share. It's all in a journal on my night stand, which I'll give you someday. There's a letter about how your dad and I met, another about the day you became a reality, and letters about your family and the special people who already love you. In all these letters, I find myself imagining the mom I hope to be when you arrive. It's a tall order, and though there's a lot I can't plan for, there are some promises I vow to keep... I promise to begin and end your days with the reminder that I adore you. At night, you'll hear "I love you" loud and clear, and I promise to wake you up each morning with a soft voice and an open smile, just the way my mom did with me. It makes for a pleasant start to the day, and when you're a teenager, you'll be really, really grateful I'm not shoving the curtains open and yelling for you to get up. When you try new things, I promise not to show you that I'm a tiny bit (or, more likely, very) scared. I might be worried about what might happen if it doesn't work out for you, but I won't let my fears slow you down. I'll tell you to take chances, to go for it, trust yourself. When you make mistakes, I'll teach you to learn from them, and love you all the same. I promise to make your birthday a big deal. Whether you're turning 1 or 21, there'll be balloons and streamers and surprise parties and cake. Some years you might love that, and other years it might feel sort of cheesy, but when you look back on birthdays past, you'll know you were celebrated by those who loved you most. I promise to build you one hell of a library - or at least to take you to one. I'll help you to read, and then I'll share with you stories - true and imagined - that have made me who I am. I promise to stand by, thrilled, as you discover the Harry Potter world first yourself, and to give you all the Roald Dahl books that swept me away when I was small, and to offer you my collection of heavily underlined novels. I promise you a life filled with words and books and imagination and the space to be as creative as you want to be. I promise to surround you with art of all kinds. To share my love for movies and music. I promise to make special time for just you and your dad. With words and actions I'll say it and I'll show it, and if just one of my promises can be kept, let it be this: that you'll feel a love so big that it fills you up and makes you feel safe. I can't wait to meet you. Love you already, Mom. LONDIWE N MTHETHWA, DURBAN