ON NANAS AND NYONI
Q:
My baby is a week old, and I’m experiencing a clash of generations. Gogo says the baby has inyoni and wants to give her a herbal concoction, but I don’t want that. I prefer to listen to the paediatrician. How do I explain this without causing offence? Maybe I should just pretend I gave it?
A: Koko says: A clash of generations is usually characterised by different beliefs, opinions and actions. This matter needs to be dealt with delicately. You need to consider the best interest of the baby as of paramount importance. To make it clear to other readers: inyoni or nyoni is a Zulu word that refers to the red mark usually found on the back of the baby’s neck. Gogo may believe that inyoni should be treated in a way with which she’s familiar. She fears that something may happen to her grandchild if not treated that way. She may think that she is helping her grandchild and is unaware of boundaries she might be crossing. Your concerns and choice of treatment are also sincere and reasonable. You’re also concerned about your baby’s wellbeing. Having said this, pretending to give your baby Granny’s remedy isn’t an answer. Be honest.
With respect and choosing your words very carefully, set boundaries that state clearly what’s important to you. Make it clear the type of assistance you need from Granny and other support systems around you.
It might be helpful to invite Granny to one of your paediatrician visits, so that she might have an understanding of how medical advice has changed throughout the years.
She might also have an opportunity to ask questions that would address her concerns or fears regarding nyoni and its treatment by a paediatrician. Once all her concerns are addressed, she can learn how to support you in a suitable manner. It’s important to remember that in matters like these, continuous communication is essential.
When there are healthy boundaries in place, potential animosity between you and Granny might be resolved.