GROWING CLOSER

Here’s how you can bond with your baby before the birth, writes Tina Otte

BEFORE YOU WERE pregnant, you had no idea how a child “within” could consume you. For nine months, you and your baby are one – growing together and undergoing amazing changes. Your baby-to-be is your constant companion, not only in body, but also in thought. This attachment does not only start at birth, but long before. There is so much you can do in order to prepare your baby for meeting you face to face.

A LIVING BEING

The bond between you and your baby starts the moment you know you’re pregnant. It continues when you feel the first stirrings of life inside you, and you realise there is something wonderful going on in there. You may start to comprehend that this is a person, separate from you and with all her own special qualities.

A baby is not born as an empty slate, but comes into this world with a number of instincts and a sense of knowing. Science has proven what most mothers have known all along – that the unborn child is an active, sensitive, perceptive, selective, searching and responding being.

You and your baby are connected because you share the same blood supply and pass nutritional substances and hormones back and forth across the placenta. Feelings happen because of chemical changes in your bloodstream. This means that whatever you are feeling, your baby can feel as well. You can’t be good to your baby if you are not good to yourself first. When Mom feels happy, then Baby feels happy too.

THE BENEFITS

Mothers and unborn babies who shared touch and massage during pregnancy, and those who spent time being in the moment during intentional quiet times, develop a special emotional and physical bond, which will continue for life. We now know that a pre-birth foundation can greatly influence your child. Research has shown that with prenatal stimulation, intellectual development is enhanced in the following ways:

✓ Raised language development.

✓ Raised reading scores.

✓ Raised IQ.

✓ Advanced levels of conceptualisation, balance and kinaesthetic awareness.

✓ Early attainment of developmental milestones and increased height and head circumference.

‘BELLY BABY LOVE’ PROGRAMME

This programme stimulates the sense of hearing and the sense of touch in your unborn. This is something that you and your partner can do actively.

Try to establish some time, at least three times a week, where you will actively focus on stimulating your child’s sense of touch and hearing. Initially, while in the first half of the pregnancy, and not fully aware of your baby’s movements, take time out after you have eaten for stimulation. Once you can feel your baby’s movements, you will be more aware of the cycles of sleep and alert states that your baby has, and can take advantage of the alert stages more often.

Touching your unborn baby through abdominal massage releases feel-good hormones in your body, and baby gets bathed in loving, tender feelings. Your unborn knows that she is valued, wanted and loved. This is the start of building good self esteem. Here is some advice to maximising your bonding time:

✓ BE CONSISTENT and find a time in the day when you will not be disturbed, and where you will have privacy, peace and quiet. Try not to have any unnecessary noise around you, and play your music selections in the car, when working, or when relaxing. Don’t start something like this and then let it fizzle out. Make contact with your baby in some way, every day.

✓ GET COMFORTABLE AND RELAX Try and find time to tune out from the rest of the world and focus only on your baby for at least 15 minutes, twice a day, or 30 minutes in one go. Soften your tight muscles. Whatever is happening to you physically, emotionally and spiritually is happening to your baby as well. The right kind of environment must be created, and a natural, unhurried lifestyle should be cultivated

by all primary caregivers in order for the unborn to flourish and learn in the womb.

✓ PLAY MUSIC that you find soothing and easy to release your tension to. Some days you may wish to simply talk to your baby while you massage your belly or read baby a story. Enjoy really being in the moment as you verbalise your feelings. Studies have shown that newborns are soothed by hearing the same stories and songs they were used to listening to in the womb.

✓ BREATHE FOR TWO Calm, slow, abdominal breathing will settle you and your baby very quickly, especially if you have been dealing with normal everyday stress. Tune out of the harsh world and into your body and your baby.

✓ LOVING TOUCH It may initially seem strange, but touch your belly from early on, so that it becomes a habit. Continue to do this throughout pregnancy, especially after the sixth month. Learn to massage your unborn. Your loving, intentional touch is helping your baby to wire his brain to be alert but relaxed in the future. Most importantly, your unborn baby can feel your love through many of your senses, and when you feel loved, valued and precious, so does she.

AM I TOO LATE?

No matter what stage of your pregnancy you are in – even if you have a few weeks or days left, the sooner you get going with deep connecting with your baby, the better. Don’t feel guilty if you have not done this from early on. Just eating well, exercising, avoiding loud and aggressive people and generally looking out for yourself means that you are looking out for your baby.

Get a journal, and write in it as often as possible. Write in it as if you are talking to the baby. Not only will this help you bond with your baby, but it is a nice memento for you to give to your child when they are old enough. This will be a wonderful record of the developing relationship with your new child.

Start talking to your baby about how much you love them and what your concerns are about the birth. Ask your baby questions, or ask her to do something you need them to do, such as turn to a different position.

GET A JOURNAL, AND WRITE IN IT AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE. WRITE IN IT AS IF YOU ARE TALKING TO THE BABY