WANITA’S STORY

“We didn’t prepare Hugh’s three older children for the possibility of a new sibling because we weren’t sure we’d ever be able to have a child together,” says Wanita. “He had had a vasectomy and when we got together he had a reversal. Then we had a few attempts at IVF. We were together as a family for some years before I fell pregnant.” When they told the children, then 6, 13 and 16, it was a shock. The response from the oldest was immediate and dramatic. She ran to her room and slammed the door shouting, “Now we’re going to be ‘the other children’”.

“It was hard. We had this much wanted pregnancy, and here was not much of a positive response,” says Wanita. “But you have to understand that the change is difficult for everyone, not just you. It’s not about you and the baby. In our case, despite the initial difficulty, our oldest daughter did bond completely with her little brother and with our second baby, even though the idea of the second was also difficult for her initially.”

What worked in Wanita’s blended family? She says: “On a practical level, we tried to keep the rest of the family routine going – meals at the same time, same days with their mom. The little ones had to fit in with the big kids. In terms of our philosophy, we try very hard for equality, not just in how we treat them, but in our hearts and minds. We have been very focused on building one family, and our five children regard themselves fully as brothers and sisters. My message to others in my situation is to do the best you can and accept that it’s a lifelong balance act.”