Little people big feelings

During the first year, your baby develops from a helpless little bundle to a proper little human with a full personality of her own – and don’t you know it! Help her handle her growing emotions.

Emotional intelligence has been a buzzword for a while already, but do you know what it really entails? In short, a person with good emotional intelligence is said to be able to recognise and understand their feelings, and they can also understand them in others. This is a skill that needs time to develop. Initially, children struggle to regulate their emotions or to channel them constructively. Hello, tantrum! The good news is that there is much you can do, even during the baby months, to give your child’s emotional development a boost.

Babies learn the most about their emotions during interaction with their primary caregivers. Keep in mind that your child experiences the same emotions you do – they just express what they are feeling differently. Frustration leads to fits of anger, and even the smallest disappointment can lead to a waterfall of tears.

It is necessary that your child gets to know the whole range of emotions, learns to accept them and figures out what to do with them.

Let’s have a look at emotional development during the first year.

NEWBORN

You’d be mistaken if you thought there wasn’t much going on during the first 12 weeks or so. Your baby will stare at you and express her needs by crying. By the third month, you’ll notice that eye contact has become deliberate and that your baby is trying to mimic your facial expressions. This is the early form of social interaction. She is able to make it clear that she enjoys your company and can respond positively to your singing, for instance.

From week six you can keep the camera ready for that magical first smile.

The first signs that emotions such as sadness, aggression and surprise are developing are already present. WHAT YOU SHOULD DO: React immediately to her needs. Be loving and present. Beware of overstimulation.

MONTH 4

Your baby has progressed so much that she finds it impossible to hide her emotions. If she is happy, she shows it with her whole body. She will show you when she is excited and is anticipating something fun to happen. She giggles when you tickle her and can laugh if she finds something funny.

But at this age, she is also a little like a day in Cape Town… one minute sunshine itself and the next clouded over and rainy. This change from happy to sad and back can take mere seconds. WHAT YOU SHOULD DO: Make lots of eye contact, and sing to her every day. See if you can copy her facial expressions. Encourage her to pull faces or make sounds that you then copy. Your baby will thrive on routine now, as the predictability makes her feel safe.

MONTH 5 AND 6

Her face and body wil display her feelings, and she will also begin to use her voice to express her emotions. Anger, joy and excitement will be clearly vocalised. She can sense your emotions really well. If you are excited about something, she will share your enthusiasm. If you do something she doesn’t like, for instance taking away a toy, she will let you know in no uncertain terms that she is angry.

During this time, your baby might also become attached to a favourite comfort object like a teddy or blanket. It is rather cute, but this attachment also means that she is experiencing separation anxiety. Don’t be annoyed by this. This is an important milestone in her emotional growth.

All of a sudden your baby might also become wary of strangers. Explain patiently to Gogo or whoever that this is actually a positive sign that shows that she is bonded to you.

Respect her preferences, and don’t try to force her to go to others when she clearly doesn’t want to.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO: Play peekaboo games, so that she can learn that an object still exists, even though she can’t see it. Let her discover herself in the mirror.

MONTH 7 AND 8

Your baby’s emotional world becomes more complex now. She is getting braver, but also more scared. In strange or new situations she might cling to you, but at home she can become a right little character, demanding attention when she doesn’t get it.

If she gets a positive reaction, like applause from you or a smile, she will really enjoy the feeling.

She is interested in other babies now, and very curious about the world around her.

Separation anxiety is very common, and you might also experience a first real tantrum – earlier than most parents expect.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO: Broaden her horizons by going to visit people with a baby of the same age. They won’t play together yet, but they will still like seeing each other. Don’t force her to be more social than comes naturally though. Make sure your home is safe for crawling, so that when she starts, her natural drive to explore can be fully expressed.

MONTH 9, 10, 11, 12

She loves giving and receiving hugs. She watches you like a hawk and will do things just to get a positive response from you. Your approval is very important to her. She absolutely loves interactive games with you. She explores her world as if paid to do so! She will try anything and can get very frustrated at failed attempts. She is likely to lose her temper if she doesn’t get her way.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO: She understands way more than she can express herself. Get into the habit now already of putting words to her emotions. When she is angry, say, “I can see that you are angry.” When emotions are really boiling over, use distraction techniques to get her settled and focussed on something else. ●