HOW DO MY EMOTIONS AFFECT MY UNBORN BABY?

I am 21 weeks pregnant and going through a tough time emotionally. My father died, and I am struggling to cope. I am so scared that my emotions will have a bad effect on my baby. Can you please explain to me how my emotions are affecting my baby? And also what I can do to feel less guilty about this.

KARIN STEYN ANSWERS I am so sorry for your loss. The conflicting emotions of loss and positive expectancy can be very confusing and overwhelming. I can hear that you are worried that you’re exposing your developing baby to your own anxiety or depression, and that this might have long-term negative effects. Thomas Verny (author of The Secret Life of the Unborn Child and co-author of Nurturing the Unborn Child), a worldleading expert on the effects of the prenatal environment on the unborn infant, writes that the baby feels and responds to the maternal thoughts and emotions that are communicated via neurohormones that move through the placenta.

Dr Deepak Chopra also describes in Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives that prolonged maternal stress can activate the unborn baby’s endocrine system and affect neural development. In extreme cases it can lead to a premature birth, lowered birth weight, irritability, hyperactivity and colic. But do not despair. Babies are resilient and forgiving. Parental attachment can help them to overcome almost all early “traumas’’. Negative emotions have an influence, but so do your positive emotions that will promote the health of the unborn baby. Your body releases endorphins and encephalin (pleasure chemicals that act like natural tranquillisers) when you are relaxed and peaceful that help to resolve stress and create calm for the baby. The experience of gratitude and laughter are also excellent practices to lift your spirits. It is impossible to advise you to not be sad about your father’s death. What you can do is to create limited and dedicated time for you to mourn (like an hour a day or a morning per week), but speak to your baby about what is happening. You might even like to imagine that your baby is shielded in a bubble of love and light when you do your mourning work. Describe to your baby how much you love your father and what you experienced in your shared lives. Talk about how sad you feel that he is not here anymore, and what you will teach Baby about their grandfather. Reassure Baby that, even though you are sad, you are also happy that Baby is coming to you and that you will do your best to help them to grow and experience all the ups and downs of life in the best way. As parents, you cannot shield your children from life’s challenges or wounding, but you can talk them through and offer them support. You can also create special time to practise regular relaxation. There are many apps available (like Insight Timer or Calm) that offer free guided meditations and visualisations, as well as breath and relaxation exercises. When you engage in active relaxation, your body takes a break from the stress, and you reset your nervous system. If you can commit to five or 10 minutes of practice per day (or more if you can), your baby will reap the benefits of this, and it will help you to cope with the task of mourning. Relaxation practice is a good prelude to sleep. Engage in positive visualisation, where you can use all your senses as your thoughts are focussed on images or experiences that make you feel calm and relaxed. You might, for example, imagine that you are walking on a beautiful beach, where you can feel the sand between your toes, smell the fragrant sea air, feel the moisture on your skin and sea breeze ruffle through your hair; hear the rhythm of the waves and the seagulls, children’s laughter, and notice how you feel being here in this serene scene… If you’re worried about prolonged negative emotions and start to wonder if you might be depressed, consult your healthcare practitioner. Surround yourself with as much love and support as you can receive from family and friends; remember to take care of your body through eating nutritious meals, light exercise if possible, and getting good sleep. ●