TIPS TO GET THAT FEELING BACK
If you’re still convinced your sex life is going to be swallowed up by hectic parenting schedules, here are a few more ideas to ensure your health and happiness between the covers.
❤ STRESS INTIMACY, NOT SEX
Dr Wilme Steenekamp, a medical doctor and clinical psychologist practising in the field of sexology, suggests sensual massages with aromatherapy oils as a good starting point. Acknowledgement is also very sexy, she asserts. “Give your partner lots of sincere verbal appreciation of who they are – and make positive comments about how much they mean to you,” she says.
Dr Steenekamp stresses that it’s also important to give yourself time to adjust to being a mother. “Accept that you now have a new role in life, and that it will take a mind shift to remember you are also a sexual being and a lover.”
❤ MAKE A DATE NIGHT
“With much of your day dictated by your baby’s needs, it’s important to plan time for sex,” says Leandie. “You may look back fondly on the days when you could drop everything and get nasty whenever the spirit moved you, but the reality is that these days you’ll probably have to think ahead.”
Lara Brownley, a full-time working mother of a 2-year-old, says that when she was on maternity leave after the birth of her baby, she made sex dates with her husband but often fell asleep as soon as she sat (never mind lay) down. “Now that Luke is older, sex during the week is still tricky,” she admits. “By the time the family and pets have been fed, the kitchen is (semi) clean, and our son is bathed and in bed, my partner and I are functioning on autopilot and just want to pass out – but not on each other!” Lara says she’s realised that setting aside time over the weekend is key to keeping the romance alive. “We don’t make a big song and dance about going out because it can get very expensive, but we drop our son off at my sister’s house for a few hours, and we make a point of connecting with each other.”
Dr Steenekamp suggests one important rule: spend no more than 30 minutes talking about your baby and responsibilities. After that, ditch the family talk, and make an effort to get to know each other again.