Q&A: Fear of dogs

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My 3-year-old has a completely irrational fear of dogs. We can’t go for a walk in the neighbourhood, even though all the dogs are on leashes or behind fences, and we can’t go to the park. She gets hysterical if a dog so much as approaches her, and then the walk is over as she insists on being carried for the rest of the outing. There was no incident that started this. It really came out of the blue. Last year she even got on just fine with my mother-in-law’s dog. What can we do to get her accustomed to dogs again?

MADELEIN KOEN ANSWERS: Being scared of dogs is a very common fear among children. Some children are more sensitive to stimulating experiences and have a lower threshold for feeling distress or coping with sensory input. Although they did not necessarily have a negative encounter with a dog, they may have internalised feelings of fear due to a sensory experience. Puppies, for example, are naturally curious, and your child may have been jumped on by an overexcited puppy or growled at by a large dog as she approached a fence. A large dog can make a major impression on a small child, even if no actual attack occurred. A sensitive child might be upset hearing a barking dog or experiencing a dog jump on her, even if the dog is being friendly. Children then tend to generalise this fear to all dogs. Fortunately, it is a fear they can overcome, and the earlier you intervene, the better the prognosis is. Try the following to help your child become more comfortable around dogs:

1 UNDERSTAND AND ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR CHILD’S FEAR. Although our logic tells us that the dogs in the park are on leashes and won’t hurt her, we need to remember that fear isn’t rational. Rational conversation is thus not going to help her through her agitation. Recognise and help her narrate what she is feeling to lessen the panic. For example: “I understand you are scared of the dog.” If you help her to articulate her experience, it will be easier for her to express her feelings instead of having an emotional meltdown.

2 WATCH WHAT YOU SAY. Be careful to not unintentionally create or reinforce a child’s fear of dogs with the words you choose. For example: “Step away from the dog’s food or he might bite you.” Words have great power to inform a child’s view of dogs as dangerous, so choose your words carefully.

3 MODEL A CONFIDENT ATTITUDE WHEN YOU APPROACH SOMEONE WITH A DOG. Tell your daughter that dogs like to sniff and lick people to get to know them, and let her watch you interact in a gentle and respectful way first.

4 DESENSITISE YOUR CHILD. In other words, take puppy steps. Desensitisation is the process of gradually but repeatedly exposing your child to the aversive feeling or situation, in order to diminish the emotional responsiveness. Start by gradually re-introducing your child to dogs. Read books with pictures of dogs, watch movies where the leading star is a dog. Play with stuffed dog toys. Gradually increase the intensity of the exposure, but be sensitive to whether any one step is too much for your child. If it is, go back to the previous step.

5 ROLE-PLAY. Use small figures or toys to act out situations that your child finds frightening, and practise what they might do in that situation instead.

6 VISIT A LOCAL PET STORE. Letting your daughter watch puppies from behind a barrier will help her feel safe, while helping desensitise her to their wiggly, unpredictable movements.

7 TOYS AND TREATS. Let your daughter toss a special toy or treat to a dog you know to be sweet and friendly, while it is held on a leash or behind a safety gate. This will gently establish a relationship between them that allows her to feel in charge, while comfortably enjoying the dog’s excitement and delight.

8 MEET AN ADULT DOG, NOT A PUPPY. When your child is ready for that next step – getting closer – find a friendly adult dog who is quiet and calm to start with, not a puppy. Like little kids, puppies are unpredictable and excitable, which could contribute to your child’s anxiety. Once your child is ready to touch the dog, it’s a good idea to keep it occupied and let your child pet the dog’s body instead of the more-intimidating head.

9 REWARD BRAVERY. Praise your child when you can see that they’re feeling a little nervous or unsure but pushing through. A bravery reward chart for which she can earn a sticker every time she appears to be brave around a dog will also motivate your child.

10 FACE YOUR FEARS. What people often do is to rather avoid situations that lead to anxiety, thinking that the anxiety will keep getting worse.

But that isn’t what happens. Anxiety peaks and then subsides. Children who leave at the peak don’t experience having the anxiety subside, which is required for overcoming the phobia.

Every child comes with a unique temperament. Some embrace the unexpected behaviour of animals, while others are profoundly rattled by the unpredictability of animals. Sensitive children tend to be the ones most scared of dogs, and they are the very children who can have the most love and appreciation for a dog. Let your child set the pace. If abovementioned methods aren’t doing the trick after a few weeks or months of desensitising, your child could benefit from professional help from a psychologist or play therapist in order to break the negative association and investigate the possibility of an anxiety disorder. ●