TIPS TO FIGHT GUILTY FEELINGS

1 When guilt attacks, analyse it .Isit healthy guilt or not? Is this about your child’s needs or your own issues?

2 Strive for balance. Obviously we want to provide the best level of care for our children, but be aware when that need creates unhealthy expectations of yourself.

3 Examine your “shoulds” and find out where they originated. How much baggage from childhood, for instance, is affecting your feelings of guilt?

4 Set aside a reasonable amount of

time to spend with your child every day, doing something she enjoys. Even just 30 minutes is meaningful. It’s not quantity that’s important but quality.

5 Accept that it’s unrealistic to meet your child’s every need.

Children need limits and boundaries.

6 Parenting is a learning process.

Allow yourself to make mistakes

and learn from them. Understand and accept that your child and you both have limits.

7 Be honest and apologise if things don’t work out. Children need to learn that adults make mistakes and parents aren’t perfect. 8 Don’t let your children “guilt” you. Children show a remarkable ability to manipulate from a young age. They are by nature egocentric and can’t fathom without our input that we have good reason not to meet their every whim.

9 Discuss and share your feelings of guilt with trusted friends. Laughter and sharing really does help alleviate guilt.

10 Children have a mind of their own and will make mistakes. Allow your child to stumble, otherwise you’ll cheat her out of learning to get up.

11 Let go of the imaginary concept of the perfect mom. Rather aim to be true to yourself. Trust your instincts.

12 Treat parenting books as friends, not mentors. Sift through the information and take what personally resonates with you. Discard the rest. 13 Take care of yourself. Happy mom = happy children. Ideally schedule a small amount of time for yourself every day. If this is impossible, aim for a weekly chunk of personal time. ●