Work. Parent. Repeat.

Can you do it all and maintain sanity? Here are five essential strategies for working parents, now that we’re mostly going back to the office.

1 COMMUNICATE

If your children are school-aged, keep them in the loop about your work responsibilities. Keep them up to date about the demands of your work, and let them know that you will be busy for a while but it won’t be permanent. However, it’s harder with a younger child. Sally Boom, mother to Sam (2), a freelance writer and film critic from Cape Town, has experienced work pressure at its greatest. “My work is totally deadline driven. This doesn’t mean I’m always on a deadline, and when the pressure is off, I can relax. But there are times in our household where the routine has to be altered to accommodate my unpredictable work schedule,” Sally says. She suggests that if you have a very young child, it’s not easy to explain your responsibilities to them. Here, some TLC will go a long way. For example, if you get home after a long day at the office, and your toddler has stayed awake specially to see you but is now exhausted, give him some kisses and cuddles and think carefully about whether he really needs that bath or can simply be popped into bed with a bit of quality love from you.

2 MAINTAIN KEY RITUALS

Identify the most important rituals that you and your child enjoy, and ensure these are maintained. Whether it’s a regular mealtime, reading bedtime stories or sharing an activity with him on a regular basis, do all you can to maintain these.

Sarah Witaker has always enjoyed her evening routine with her three boys.

“I was devastated when my job started taking me away from them for three or four days at a time. Often, I would get home as the boys were going to bed, and I’d keep them up to play with them because I had missed them so much. I realised quite soon that this wasn’t doing any of us any good, so I trained my nanny to keep to the same routine as I had always followed, and also asked my mom to stick to a similar routine when she took care of the boys. They’ve been much happier for it, and my trips are not as disruptive as they used to be,” Sarah says. If you have young children, you know how important routine is to them, especially as they hit toddler age. Do your utmost not to interfere with the routine of a very small child more than you have to. Obviously, some flexibility is called for when necessary.

“Perhaps you can try to come home in the late afternoon or early evening while your child is still awake, spend some quality time with him before bedtime, and then continue working into the night. That way, his routine doesn’t have to be altered too much, and his time with you isn’t compromised,” Sarah adds.

3 INITIATE ONE-ONONE ACTIVITIES

With under-3’s, playing, reading and feeding tend to offer the best one-on-one opportunities. Shared interests and games are ideal for primary school children. Sharon Worthington is granny to four young children and mother of three. “I always knew which child needed what kind of attention from me, and I knew the best activity to provide the interaction that child was looking for,” she says. “The key is flexibility, as well as a bit of common sense.”

4 BE AWARE OF DIFFERENT RELATIONAL STYLES, AND RESPOND ACCORDINGLY

Some children just want to talk, others want your approval, others want to share a game. Make yourself available for their preferred activity.

Working mom Viv Marais from Johannesburg says: “If your work periodically makes very intense demands on your time, it’s probably a good idea to follow your small child’s lead when you get home from that extra long day at the office. If he’s tired and fractious, be gentle with your discipline tactics, and try to distract him out of a temper tantrum. Offer him a choice of how you will spend some quality time together, and do whatever works best in the moment, whether it’s play dough or running around outside.”

5 DON’T MISS THE BIG EVENTS

You know, like birthdays, school concerts and the like. If you can’t be there, then make sure you talk about the event and take a personal interest in it. Sally says: “When your child is very small, every day with you is a big day. If you’ve had to disrupt his routine for a while due to work commitments, be prepared to be flexible about routines for a while. But if you regularly find yourself strapped for time due to work commitments, and you don’t like the longterm effect your absence is having on your toddler, you might want to rethink your commitments and either try to find a way to adapt your hours or how you earn your salary, so that you can increase your presence in your child’s life once more.” ●