Mother knows best

We might not like to admit it, but it’s often only once we’ve had children of our own that we realise Mom’s words of wisdom really were wise. Here’s to our own mothers!

In honour of Mother’s Day this month, we asked moms to tell us about their favourite piece of advice from their own mother. What we got back was tremendously varied but with this common thread: all wise, and all said with much love.

My mother always told me, “Whatever you do, always make sure you can still face yourself in the mirror the next day.”

PAM KAMMIES, MOM TO DANNY (4) AND 18-MONTH-OLD TWINS AMAYA AND PHILIP

I would sum up the best things I’ve learnt from my mother as follows: firstly, from her prosaic advice: “Always wear a vest in winter. Don’t go out with wet hair. Stand up for yourself and don’t let anyone bully you.” And secondly, from how she is with my children, which is simply to be there 110 percent for them every moment that she’s with them. When she is with her grandchildren, every moment counts. There are no half measures, which I think is not a bad lesson for life either.

LOLO GUMEDE, MOM TO LINDIWE (ALMOST 3) AND BOITUMELO (6 MONTHS)

My mother, Leonie, died recently at age 57. She told me: ”Just love them.” I used to get so bogged down in my schedules and routines and measuring everything by the minute. I’d work myself up into a tizz. She’d tell me to just love them, and the rest would follow. She also told me to “make every moment magic.” From our picnics at the river to our weekend treasure hunts, the trail of chewed-up yellow cheese the Tooth Mouse would leave behind and the Christmas wonderland she’d create each year, she turned each day and moment into something special. She always said that all you needed to do was use your imagination and put in a little bit of effort, and each child would feel special. She was right. LESLIE DU TOIT, MOM TO MAXINE (5) AND ALEXANDER (4)

My mom really gave me a lot of wise advice... and I love her to bits for doing it, because today I give it all to my own child. If I have to choose one piece of advice from her, it would be, “Remember, my child, no one can take away your knowledge in life.”

BONGIWE MTETHWA, MOM TO MPHUMI (3)

My mother gave loads of bad advice: “Make them eat everything on their plate”and “A hiding didn’t do anyone any harm” – but ignore those! The two good good ones were: “Everything is washable” and “Dads are also parents, so make sure you get at least one afternoon off a week.” I choose to believe that she meant one afternoon per child.

MAXINE FOSTER, MOM TO WILL (2), GEOFF (4) AND SARAH (7)

When I was about 15 and desperately embarrassed to even have a mother (never mind one who wore jangly bangles and super-sized necklaces made from amber), my mother told me that if you want to make an event of something, dress like you mean it. I think it was at one of those dreadful parties where everyone was in jeans, and I arrived dressed like a secretary in a badly fitting skirt and black stockings. My mom just shook her head and told me that it’s always fine to look glamorous, even overdressed. “Who cares what anyone else thinks anyway, or what anyone else is wearing?” she asked. “As long as you feel beautiful, that’s all that counts.”

SANDRA BILLINGS, MOM TO RUBY (4)

AND JAMES (3)

Actually, my grandmother shared two little gems, which

I still remember to this day… “Firstly, always remove your eye makeup before you go to bed. Never ever go to sleep with it on, no matter how tired you are... And secondly, if you have a nice outfit on, but your shoes are tatty or ugly, it ruins the whole outfit, no matter how good the clothes are!” Of course, she was right! LAUREN PAUL, MOTHER TO LILLIAN (3)

I can’t really reduce my mother’s advice to one sentence. She’s a walking inspiration and every word out of her mouth to me was life changing. I think what I’ve eventually come to live my life by is this: “Always stay in Integrity – never do anything that you are not OK with. Always speak your truth – it can be a very lonely place to be, but soon enough people will start coming to you for the truth. “Always follow your heart and listen to your gut, it will always give you the perfect answer for you! “And most importantly... Be afraid and do it anyway!”

NEO DLAMINI, MOM TO SADE

(18 MONTHS)

The wisest advice my mother ever gave me was to make special time for each member of the family. She did. We each got to pick one activity a week – whatever we wanted. We loved this time with her, because we knew it was uninterrupted and just for us. She also said it was really important for husbands and wives to make time for each other. This didn’t take the form of a date night, but half an hour every evening – right after my dad got home from work – belonged just to Mom and Dad. I’ve followed my mother’s advice, and I feel we are a richer, happier family for it. MAMOSA SEMENYA, MOM TO SPHIWE (5) AND TENDAI (2)

My mom’s friend had five children, and things could get pretty chaotic at her house. I was an only child and loved being around there to help her out with the younger children. She always told me that the trick to keeping her sanity was that at 5pm every day, she would sit down on the couch or on a chair on her patio to rest. Her calm and relaxed state had an immediate effect on the rest of the family. Very often, the children would quiet right down and come to be with her. Half an hour later, her children would be relaxed and ”putty in her hands”. After that, bathtime and dinner would proceed without a hitch. I did this with my own children. It works!

AMY HILTON, MOM TO JAMES (5), ANDY (4) AND KATE (18 MONTHS) ●