Q&A: Pandemic stress

We’ve been through a terrible time, as we were hard hit by Covid financially. We’ve had to move back in with my parents, and we all got sick too, but fortunately not seriously. My 5-year-old has become a stressed, anxious little person who doesn’t want to leave the house, and has lost all interest in schoolwork. Unfortunately, in the cramped house, he’s heard many adult conversations about our situation and probably understands just enough to make him worry. I don’t know how to make him feel better about life again. I think my attempts to cheer him up just put more pressure on him to feel better, when he really just doesn’t. Can a 5-year-old have depression?

MADELEIN ANSWERS

Living through this pandemic is not only hard on adults and parents, but also very challenging for children. Predictability creates a feeling of safety, but it has been disrupted since the Covid-19 outbreak and robbed us of feeling in control. It is consequently often difficult for parents to calm their children’s anxieties because of the uncertainty we all experience. Children react differently to the challenges posed by the virus, some experiencing behavioural problems, others being hyper-sensitive, and some appearing emotionally numb. This leads us to the question: Can children really suffer from depression? Yes, they can. Because a child seems sad doesn’t necessarily mean they have depression. But when the sadness becomes persistent, or interferes with normal social activities, interests, schoolwork, or family life, it may be an indication of depression.

Depression affects children’s thinking as well as their mood and behaviour. But so does anxiety. A child might feel anxious, and when this constant state of worrying begins negatively impacting their daily life, it can lead them to feel depressed. Depression and anxiety can be considered two sides of the same coin. Because we find ourselves in this unknown situation regarding the virus and what to expect on a daily basis, it is inevitable that some children (and parents) will experience anxiety. We can, however, support young children and optimally develop their sense of security in an age-appropriate way.

Here are a few guidelines:

■ Help your child to do the daily things that support our wellbeing. These include getting up at a regular time, eating regular meals, being physically active every day, drinking water and getting enough sleep.

■ Establish and maintain a daily routine. Keeping a regular schedule provides a sense of control, predictability, calmness and well-being.

■ Enjoy quality time together. Go for a walk, play a game, make a craft, watch a funny movie. Gently encourage positive emotions and moods (such as enjoyment, relaxation, and pleasure).

■ Keep a sense of perspective. Help your child avoid exaggerating or obsessing about how bad things are right now. For example: “This will not go on forever; scientists are working very hard to find a cure.”

■ Keep your child informed. In an ageappropriate manner, explain terms he might not understand that cause anxiety. For example: “A Covid vaccination is medicine to help us not get the virus.”

■ Model positive ways of thinking. For example: “Sanitising has taught the world so much about hygiene!”

■ Give him a sense of accomplishment. Give your child everyday choices, and help him to accomplish activities that can lead to praise that will lift his spirits.

■ Make plans. Work together to come up with plans or activities that will help him feel more engaged. For example: Search the internet on how to make your own mask and enjoy a craft project. The act of making plans, completing fun tasks, and coming up with strategies, can make them feel less helpless and hopeless.

■ Start new goals. When you’ve lost something valued in your life, it helps to find something to replace it. Help your child create a new goal. For example: “How can we decorate your room at Gogo’s house to make you feel more at home?”

■ Support him to keep connections with other people going as much as possible. Even if that means a telephone call with a friend.

■ Be aware of how you talk about Covid-19. Your discussion about the pandemic can increase or decrease your child’s fear.

■ Limit the amount of news accessed.

■ Focus on gratitude. Encourage your child to reflect each day on things he feels grateful for. For example: “Let’s all name one thing we enjoyed most today!”

■ Identify projects that might help others. This could include: Writing letters to the neighbours or others who might be stuck at home alone or to healthcare workers.

■ Be patient and kind. Try to stay patient and understanding. A positive relationship with a parent helps strengthen a child against depression and anxiety.

Although it’s easy to get caught up in caring for your child, it’s important to look after your own health and well-being too.

It is important to remember that children are very resilient. But if the symptoms of depression and/or anxiety in your child have lasted for at least two weeks, you should schedule a visit with a mental health care professional who specialises in children.

For children younger than 10 years of age, play therapy is usually recommended. The good news is that depression and anxiety are treatable!

Although it’s easy to get caught up in caring for your child, it’s important to look after your own health and wellbeing too. Consider seeking professional help for yourself if stress and worries are affecting your everyday life. If you’re physically and mentally well, you’ll be optimally able to care for your child. ●