Care for you to care for others
The quality of your life directly relates to the quality of your mothering.
In the busy-ness of life, it’s a forgotten dream for many – the magical world of “me-time”. While it’s almost become an annoying cliché to talk about me-time, your own time to do what makes you happy and whole – be it to read a book, meet with friends, exercise, paint, sing or dream – is vital to your health and mental wellbeing. There are never enough hours in the day, and it feels like everyone wants something from you – your partner, your children, your friends and your employer. Even the dog gazes mournfully up at you as you rush in the door, juggling shopping bags and baby paraphernalia. You try and give your all to your children and job, to your household and partner, but in doing so, you neglect yourself. “I don’t have time!” becomes your mantra.
If me-time is a distant memory because you “don’t have time”, take a look at the quality of the time that you are giving others. Are you irritable with your children when they clamber for attention? Do you lash out at your partner, finding fault with what they do or don’t do? Are you spending longer hours at work while achieving less, feeling exhausted and unproductive at the end of the day? Are your close friends drifting away because you never see them? Making time for yourself can halt the spiral of imbalance that has consequences for the quality of your life, including your family, your relationships, your career and your health. Me-time is not a luxury, but a necessity.
But where do you find this elusive metime? It’s not so much about getting more done as about doing more of the things that are important to you. The first step is to learn to distinguish between what’s urgent, what’s important, what’s neither – and to act accordingly. If something is urgent, it demands immediate attention.
On the other hand, if something is important, it has a significant impact on your goals and purpose.
An important task is not necessarily urgent, so it doesn’t have to be done now. The upside is that it can – and should – be scheduled. The downside, of course, is that it can be put off, drowned out by the “urgency” of daily life. The consequence of delaying what is important is that it eventually becomes urgent, thus adding to the constant urgency-addiction that many people fall victim to.
US educator Stephen Covey gives us a wonderful tool in his time management matrix. It is useful, not just in the workplace but in all aspects of life. According to Stephen, everything we do falls into one of the following four quadrants.
How would you rate your satisfaction with the me-time and therefore the balance in your life right now, on a scale of 1-10? If you have a rating below 8/10, then try this simple exercise. List 10 things that would give you a rating of 10/10 if you could have them in your life on a regular basis. These may be things like having 15 minutes a day to read a book, exercising during the week, making time for a neglected hobby, meeting a friend for coffee every second week or having a night out with your partner once a month.
Once you have your list, check that each activity is there because it’s important to you, not to someone else, and schedule time for each. You might feel silly at first, but you need to make space in your calendar for me-time activities – what gets scheduled gets done.
This is not a to-do list. It is a framework upon which you are building balance and scheduling time for what’s important to you. Commit to it. Ask for help if you need it. Communicate what you are doing and why to the people involved. Introducing small yet cherished activities will have a dramatic effect on the quality of your life and relationships. You will feel better, healthier, happier and more in control. It will be easier to face the challenges that come your way, and you will have more energy to deal with fighting the fires that are invariably part of modern living. Taking time for you is not selfish. It will restore your soul, uplift your mood, increase your health and make you more productive and upbeat. ●