Q&A I can’t stand baby play!
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I have a terrible confession to make. I love my baby dearly, but I just don’t enjoy playing baby games. At all. And because I don’t enjoy them, I force myself to play even more of them to get over the guilt. There is so much emphasis on play being so important for a baby’s development. Why doesn’t it come naturally to me? Does anyone really like 10 rounds of peekaboo for 10 days in a row? Why don’t babies get tired of the repetition? None of my mom friends have ever told me that they find it boring as watching grass grow, but that’s how I feel. Am I damaging my baby in some way?
ROXANNE ANSWERS: Asyour baby’s primary attachment, you will be her favourite person for a season. She will want nothing more than to see your face, hear your voice and be near you. She may even get quite jealous if anyone else tries to nab some of your attention. The upside is that it is clear your baby has attached to you and trusts you. The downside is that by being this popular, you can end up feeling very overwhelmed if you don’t have a tribe around you to help get stuff done.
Different people are more or less playful by nature. Some people love music, others love silence. Some parents are very physical and enjoy having a baby on their body. Others prefer to have more space. Some parents need more social interaction everyday than others do. This is simply who you are. Your ability to be in “play mode” is also determined by your own state of mind. If you are tired, stressed or annoyed, you are not going to be in the right frame of mind to enjoy playing with your baby.
Should you try to force yourself to play in a way that you think is “the right way”? My answer is no. Grinning and bearing it is not the way forward. Remember, you are learning about your baby as much as she is learning about you. You may not be into peekaboo, but you may have a wicked sense of humour or a beautiful singing voice. You can share these parts of yourself with your baby. Your goal should be to share a little bit of joy with your baby each day. But it needs to be authentic, not forced. If you notice that you are struggling to experience pleasure day upon day, then you may want to chat with your gynae or GP. Anhedonia or an inability to experience pleasure may be a sign of postnatal depression and/or hormonal imbalance. Treating this could help get rid of the mountain that stands in the way of enjoying the fun side of your new role as a parent.
Another way to help yourself is to remember that play does not have to be a scheduled, compulsory activity. In fact, by scheduling it, you may be making it harder to play at all. Don’t aim to get in 60 minutes each day. Take each day as it comes, and see how you can steal these moments of joy from the ordinary. It is amazing how much your baby will learn about following instructions, packing away, counting numbers, greeting strangers, dealing with upsets and taking turns through these simple everyday interactions. Play is by definition spontaneous and fluid.
Lastly, play is very important for healthy development, but remember that it’s not all up to you. Your healthy baby is also going to seek stimulation. They are going to want to check out all kinds of things. Your baby is going to be on a mission to discover. This will start with discovering your face, voice and body but will quite quickly start to include other people, everyday objects as well as experiences.
Variety is not only the spice of life but also a really important part of healthy development. Each parent will have their own various preferences in terms of how they like to play, as will each baby. This is what makes every family unique and why human relationships are so rich and complex.
You might find it easier to play with your baby as she grows and is able to do more. Some parents love interacting with teeny tiny, non-verbal babies who smell so darn good, but others prefer messy, chatty toddlers far more. I trust that playing will only get easier for you as time goes on. ●