Emotional milestones

Children’s ability to access and communicate their feelings changes as they grow.

HOW TO HANDLE his emotional world as he grows, is a skill your child learns from you.

0 TO 2 YEARS

Your tiny baby first expresses emotion by crying and later by smiling and laughing. By the age of three months, he has already mastered a range of facial expressions and he will start demanding your attention and making use of his communication skills. Your reactions to your baby’s feelings are the foundation to his later capacity for empathy and building relationships. Be sure to make plenty of eye contact with your baby and respond to him warmly. Acknowledge his attempts to develop new skills, spend time together and have fun.

From the age of about six months, focus on echoing and validating your baby’s feelings to help furnish him with an emotional vocabulary. Say, “Are you tired?” and, “I think that made you sad.” Name his emotions even though he can’t yet understand the words you are using. Your child is busy acquiring an understanding of basic emotions like sadness or happiness. Offer security and routine, and praise his efforts.

This is also the stage where separation anxiety raises its head. Try to be extra patient and loving when you’re suddenly confronted with a clingy, tearful baby – this stage, too, shall pass.

2 TO 3 YEARS

Your little terror (er, treasure) is starting to be able to express emotions and reflect on his feelings. But it’s early days yet: he is still likely to express frustration by crying and becoming enraged if he’s corrected. Allow your child the illusion of control by presenting him with a range of options (all of which are acceptable to you), such as which shoes to choose.

Validate his feelings. It is important to manage your own emotions, too, as it is difficult to manage a situation appropriately when you’re out of control. Always ask yourself, “What do I want to achieve, and what do I want my child to have learned from this interaction?”

3 YEARS PLUS

Your child experiences all the same emotions you do, and expresses them freely, by laughing from his belly or indeed by succumbing to an uncontrollable rage. Providing guidelines for acceptable behaviour is important at this stage.

Your child’s “inner dialogue” is also developing and this influences his cognitive control. He is starting to internalise attitudes about what is right or wrong. Fears are typical of this age, such as a fear of the dark. Validate his feelings and reassure him. Believe in your child’s abilities and encourage him.