Ownsome isn’t LONESOME

With lots of love and patience, your little one can learn to love his own company for little stretches of time.

BEING YOUR BABY’S best friend can get really old, really quickly when you’re desperate for a cup of tea or a shower. If only he could learn to play independently for a bit, it would be good for you, for him, and for your relationship. But it’s easier said than done, because a tot under two can easily suck up all mom and dad’s energy and attention – and then some. It’s totally normal that he prefers your company above anyone else’s, and his interactions with you remain the key to a world of learning and development. But as your toddler nears his second birthday, you can start guiding him to play by himself once in a while. Solitary play develops his self-confidence, independence, creativity and language abilities.

To learn more about his environment, he must be able to separate from you occasionally. The ability to play alone also signals the beginnings of selfdiscipline.

Be realistic though. A bout of alone time does not mean hours in his own room at this stage. You have to pop your head in at regular intervals and check that he’s still okay. He also won’t want to sit still and play with just one toy – that’s simply not possible at this developmental stage. Take his temperament into account, too. Some children are calm by nature, others need more stimulation. You being involved in most of his games is still important to your toddler as he’s still learning so much from you.

How much time you spend with your tot during the day will also influence how much time he’ll spend playing independently. If he’s in daycare all day, it stands to reason he’ll need more of your attention once he’s home. Avoid pushing your child away just because it suits you. Your child needs to be ready for time alone, so take your cue from him. You can’t force it. The safer your toddler feels, the more likely he’ll enjoy bouts of solitude. Stay close and don’t pressurise him to achieve independence he’s not ready for. That will do more harm than good.