Children FRONT& CENTRE

Yes, attachment parenting is about breastfeeding and cosleeping, but there’s more to it beyond the baby years. It’s a way of parenting for life. We take a closer look.

Choosing parenting approaches and philosophies is almost a political act these days. Socalled “attachment parenting” is a point of friction for many. In essence, it’s an approach that puts children at the centre. The intention is to let parents raise emotionally secure and wellrounded children.

Its four main principles include feeding on demand, co-sleeping, keeping a child physically near to their caregivers as much as possible, and always responding to a child’s cries.

This approach does, indeed, demand a high level of parental attention. But attachment parenting also continues beyond the baby days, and sets the tone for your relationship far into your child’s life.

Famously advocated by Dr William Sears in his The Baby Book, published in 1993 and adopted by celebrity parents ever since, attachment parenting is sometimes criticised as setting impossible standards for modernday parents.

FEEDING ON DEMAND

A demand-based feeding schedule for a baby is nothing like a routine. Instead, mothers breastfeed as and when the baby requires or demands it. This approach often endorses extended breastfeeding and eventual self-weaning, too.

CO-SLEEPING

Parents across the globe have had their babies sleeping in the same bed for as long as parents have been parenting.

But a more modern way of life has demanded that children sleep in their own rooms or cribs, and what works for one family may not work for another. Cosleeping also comes with some warnings and precautions that must be heeded by parents, so it’s good to investigate before committing to it.

BABY WEARING

Those cute baby slings are very much on trend right now, but they’re really an adaptation of wrapping your baby into a blanket around your body. They do make life a little easier, though, especially when you need your hands free to do other things during the day. They can also be very helpful when you need to breastfeed.

RESPONSIVENESS

Rather than letting a baby self-soothe or waiting for them to cry it out, attachment parenting emphasises the importance of having a caregiver respond to a child’s cries every time, to prevent a full-scale bout of tears.

This can be demanding for parents, but it’s adopted to ensure that your baby feels secure, and advocates have often reported that, as a result of this approach, babies actually cry less often.

IT FEELS NATURAL

Simone Rickard from Cape Town is a keen advocate of attachment parenting. As mom to two girls, Simone found that adopting the attachment parenting approach came naturally to her. Simone explains, “Before I had children, I was adamant that I wouldn’t breastfeed for more than nine months, I’d never bed share, and my babies would start solid foods at 4 months old. I’d never seen

a baby wrap before and hadn’t heard the term ‘attachment parenting’.

“When I had my first daughter, the advice of friends, neighbours, mom and in-laws all started to feel unnatural. “Breastfeeding was easy for me, so why should I put my baby onto a bottle when I had plenty of milk?

“When I got to nine months, 12 months seemed close, and I decided to just push through.

Before I knew it, I was breastfeeding a 2-year-old with a big pregnant belly. It wasn’t a conscious decision or taking a stand, it was what came naturally to me.”

BEDTIME FOR EVERYONE

Similarly, Simone found that co-sleeping worked better for her family. She tells us that, “After six months of trying to follow ‘the rules’ I stood over the cot for what felt like the 14th time that night, and I seriously considered sleeping on the carpet in her room. That made me pause and rethink. This was absurd!

“That night I bundled up my baby, and we snuggled up in our bed. Since then,

we have slept next to each other most nights and, when her baby sister joined us, they slept on either side of me. It’s not for everyone but is what feels normal for us! When Lily was a year old, I stumbled across the term ‘attachment parenting’ and realised that I could, perhaps, fall into that box. To me, though, it was just parenting. I was doing what felt normal!”

WHEN DOES IT STOP?

But beyond breastfeeding, co-sleeping and the days of having infants in the house, attachment parenting can continue as a philosophy and approach, because it focuses on parental responsiveness and a gentle touch. When it comes to disciplining an older child, the philosophy of attachment parenting doesn’t include smacking or other physical punishments. As Simone says, “Not physically punishing our girls came naturally to us as a family as well, as physically harming

our children was something neither of us were comfortable with. We discipline gently, which involves distraction, fair consequences, and not expecting too much from them. We accept that they are 2 and 4 years old, and are learning to be alive. “We try teach by example and kindness and, most of the time, they follow suit.” Barbara Thompson, a Durban-based business owner and single mom, says, “My approach to parenting just felt like instinct to me and, as a single parent, my focus is always on my daughter when she’s with me. Now that she’s older, I find that she feels quite secure to set her own boundaries and is comfortable in many social situations. What has been hugely beneficial is having my circle of family and friends support this choice and approach. “Now that we’re reaching the stage of weaning from extended breastfeeding, I’m being led by my daughter towards it – and she even potty-trained herself!” ●