YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
“I had a natural birth, and I know things have changed ‘down there’. It’s all a lot looser, and while my husband and I have a reasonable sex life, I just don’t feel the same about sex as I used to – partly because I’m self-conscious and partly because I don’t have the same level of sensitivity or sensation as I used to. Will I ever feel the same about sex again?”
CLINICAL SEXOLOGIST DR EVE RESPONDS: Probably not – how can you? You are a totally different person, and for a few years you’ll probably be having sex half listening for the approach of a child. Your body will respond differently as it has been through a massive experience. Now is a good time to discover what touches and sensations turn you on and how to be comfortable in your forever changed body.
The good news is your sexuality becomes more powerful with age. Allow sexual activity, masturbate to learn about your new sensations, explore and be adventurous.
The “feeling different” that you now experience will become your “new normal”. Of course there will be a change of sensation – and it really does not mean worse, it just means different. Both you and your husband will adjust to this change, and your husband probably won’t even notice a difference (unless there is physical scarring). Vaginal delivery does not on its own
accord cause a looser vagina. During pregnancy, the pelvic floor as well as the pubic coccygeus muscles stretch. If you’ve had an episiotomy and have not been well stitched or have scar tissue, this will leave you experiencing penetrative pain. Physically, it’s a good idea to practise Kegel exercises to tighten muscles and prevent urinary incontinence, but you need to be disciplined.
Lastly, remember to spend time alone and remind yourself you’re a woman first, then a mom. The woman in you needs attention. Exercise, good weight control, attention to your appearance and a healthy lifestyle help you to feel confident.
For more information, look out for Dr Eve’s book Pillowbook (Oshun
2007). It offers a great programme to work through and gain sexual and self-confidence post partum. For more information go to dreve.co.za.