5 WAYS TO HELP DEVELOP INDIVIDUAL SELF

1 TREAT BOYS AND GIRLS UNIQUELY, NOT EQUALLY If your son loves soccer, it might be a “him thing” – not necessarily a “boy thing”. Try to see his interests as an expression of his identity rather than a social stereotype.

2 STAY CONNECTED (EMOTIONALLY) WITH BOTH SEXES Make a space to talk about and support your children’s feelings. How? Give feelings a name. Say things like, “Sometimes when we’re angry, we might actually be feeling sad or upset. Is this how you’re feeling?” We tend to want to police our children’s feelings. But we can’t. Some feelings are positive, some negative – and we need to make space for all their feelings.

3 DEFINE ROLES IN OUR FAMILIES BASED ON PERSONAL NEEDS If Dad’s in charge of cooking and Mom’s in charge of money, then those are the family roles that work. Clear roles create a rhythm to family life that benefits all. Taking and giving roles in families is healthy – provided there is space for change when necessary. When your children copy these roles, they’re learning about what it means to grow up to be a dad or a mom and a man or a woman.

4 ALLOW THEM THE FLEXIBILITY TO EXPLORE THEIR SEX-ROLE IDENTITIES When your son wants to wear clips just like his sister, let him. This isn’t about him wanting to be a girl – it’s about him working out his likes and dislikes. What you can do is to point out the roles and the reality: “You want to wear clips just like your sister, but you’re a boy.”

5 TEACH THEM “Your body is yours and nobody may be allowed to touch it if you don’t want them to.” This is a crucial part of preventing sexual abuse.