It’s not easy growing old, but a privilege

Three years ago I wrote about my gran; how the family gathered around the 94-year-old woman’s bedside because the doctor said she’d probably not survive the night.

As if the atmosphere wasn’t sombre enough, [dying] gran insisted her transition into the afterlife to have a [official] soundtrack, and chose The Best of Jim Reeves.

Let me tell you, having to hear, for the umpteenth time; ‘Adios amigo, adios my friend, the road we have travelled has come to an end,’ at one in the morning, does nothing to lift a family’s morale.

Our family’s mood was as dark as the long-dead Barlow Vision TV we sat staring at.

But the doctor and Jim got it wrong; the road had not come to an end for gran.

She’s 97 now and still very much alive.

In fact, so alive and well that she refuses to wear a Covid-19 mask.

She causes a fracas wherever she goes, and friction among the family.

Grave robber

At a recent family gathering she did it again, in spectacular fashion.

At my parents’ house, stepping out of Uncle Elmo’s car, she proceeded to inform everybody that her 71-year-old son-in-law is ‘unfit to hold a driver’s licence’ and that my aunt should have ‘opened her ears’ many years ago when she warned her against marrying a ‘lunatic’.

Upon being insulted Uncle

Elmo said the old woman won’t be going back home with them which, in turn, caused my aunt to start crying and my mom to get slightly hysterical.

The thought of having her motherin-law under her roof must have been just too much for mom at that moment.

While all that was happening gran spotted dad’s gardener walking past with a red spade in hand which the primordially old woman recognised as hers from when she still lived by herself.

She must have forgotten the spade was among the few meagre items she bequeathed dad with at the time – the other a cracked hosepipe joined in five places, a wire garden furniture set from 1962 and a JH Lunch print of a naked woman standing in a river covering her breasts with her arms.

Anyway, gran proceeded to accuse her own son of being a ‘thief and quite possibly a grave robber too,’ and subsequently shuffled over to where the gardener was and expropriated her ‘stolen’ spade.

Stroking her familiar garden tool lovingly, she asked her oldest great-grandchild who, like a typical teenager was busy texting on her phone, to ‘end that conversation with satan and phone the police instead’.

By that time everybody was either angry or in a state of panic, and we hadn’t even gone into the house yet.

Lord help me

Thankfully the rest of that Sunday’s family gathering was less eventful because, after gran compared mom’s cooking to weevil-invested food parcels they received during World War Two, she admitted to being ‘[only] slightly tired’ and needed to nap.

But not before she requested to listen to her favourite song from Kris Kristofferson.

With Kris’ dreary ‘Lord help me Jesus, my soul’s in your hand..,’ coming from my old bedroom, the family could relax a bit and catch up.

Dad said he’s sure gran will make 100.

Uncle Elmo, sighing deeply, agreed and said that while he never thought she would last ‘this long’ when he agreed to take her in, he is willing to put money on it that she will make a century.

He added that he hopes she ‘declares’ after that because 100 is ‘good innings’ and if she doesn’t he will ‘forfeit and go instead’.

With that said we all laughed and agreed; while old people are sometimes difficult to live with, they do make for some entertaining moments and we should treasure the little time we still have left with them. That goes for all of us.

Those who are so lucky to still have parents and grandparents must not forget about them, especially now in these busy, confusing times we live in.