‘I take all the abuse for my children’

‘BEING beaten like a dog is my daily life but I’m used to it by now.

‘Over the years I have had to endure all the fists and blows from my husband, just to ensure my children have a bright future.

‘I don’t regret the decision to stay with him and would do it again if I had to. After all I am a woman, and as women our choices are never easy.

‘I will lay down my life for my children.’ These are the words of a Zululand mother of five children, Zandile (47) who says she had to stay with her abusive husband for 17 years to ensure the survival of her children.

With tears streaming down her face, Zandile said she had to make tough decisions early in life.

‘I had two children when I met my husband and he took them in and became their father. Their biological father had abandoned us and he stepped in.

‘A few months after we started dating I fell pregnant and gave birth to our twins and later our last born.

‘We got married five years later and we were already a family of seven. He was a breadwinner and my duty was to take care of our home and children.

‘I truly appreciate how he provided for all of us including children who were not his. He became their father and still treats them as his, and for that I will always be grateful,’ she said.

According to Zandile, marital bliss never lasted but soon became her living hell.

‘He started verbally abusing me over small things. He started complaining about the house and the noise the children were making, saying he is working hard and wants to come home to a peaceful environment.

‘Soon those daily outbursts turned into beatings. Beating soon escalated from slaps to punches and sometimes he hits me with objects like chairs, pots or anything else he finds around the house.

‘I am an uneducated woman with five children and my job is to be obedient, that’s how I was taught.

‘It’s not that I don’t know that what he is doing is wrong but why would I leave a man who supports me financially, takes my children to school and provides us with everything?

‘I want my children to finish school and become their own people and can’t be selfish by leaving for my own reasons – I have to think about them. ‘This is no longer about what is right or wrong but about survival and my children. I don’t want my children to suffer because I am unhappy.

‘Besides, no man can easily take a woman with five children and provide for them. My suffering is the price I’m willing to pay for my family.

Zandile says she has suffered years of abuse without telling anyone close to her, fearing they will judge her or try to persuade her to leave her husband.

‘My family is never in need for anything and my children attend the best schools. I will never leave my home or my husband; after all, when you are exposed to something, you get used to it.

‘Sometimes I go to bed not even thinking I had just been smacked across the face. As long as my family is together everything else doesn’t matter anymore,’ said Zandile.

As women our choices are never easy - I will lay down my life for my children