Postnatal depression is ruining my life
ANGER, hatred and rejection are feelings not commonly associated with a first-time mother and her newborn baby.
But for Richards Bay's Zonnalise (not her real name), these feelings are confusing but very real as she suffers from postnatal depression (PND).
As a result, her daughter is staying with her grandmother, while Zonnalise attends counselling sessions and completes her prescribed anti-depressant medication.
'I remember the day we found out we were pregnant - the joy, relief and excitement after trying for so long,' said Zonnalise.
'The pregnancy went well, and we did a gender reveal party and completed a maternity shoot, all in celebration of the arrival of our new bundle of joy.
'But things have changed drastically since the birth.
'Every time I look at my 2-weekold daughter, I want to kill her.
'I have no desire to hold her, kiss her or love her in any way.
'Quite frankly, she is just irritating me and feels like an unwanted burden.'
Zonnalise says these feelings she has towards her newborn baby are confusing her, but after seeking help, she was diagnosed with PND.
'I feel guilty and like a failure, as I know these feelings are not normal, but I can't help the way I feel.
'As a result, I decided to seek help and try to get better and over this illness so I can be the loving mother I know I am meant to be, and can be.'
PND is a prolonged and amplified version of the
'baby blues', which can manifest gradually or suddenly at any point in the 12 months following the baby’s birth.
Most new mothers do feel anxious, cry frequently, and have trouble sleeping, but only for up to two weeks after delivery.
When these feelings of doom and gloom continue, and become more severe, it is usually a sign of PND.
The symptoms of PND are often difficult to recognise, especially in the first few weeks after the birth.
Besides a lack of energy, lethargy, mood swings and tiredness, symptoms can become more sinister and include thoughts
Every time I look at my 2-week-old daughter, I want to kill her
of suicide or harming the baby.
Other signs include problems bonding with the baby, withdrawing from social contact, loss of appetite, agitation and irritability, feelings of hopelessness, sadness and guilt, difficulty with decision making and focus, insomnia and suicidal thoughts or thoughts of hurting the baby.
With proper treatment, and plenty of support from family and friends, most mothers diagnosed with PND make a full recovery.
PND is surprisingly common, where 40% of new moms are diagnosed with the illness in South Africa.
This illness is not isolated to women, with new dads also being susceptible to severe, and long-lasting bouts of depression following the arrival of their newborn.
Treatment for PND varies according to the severity of the symptoms.
Self-help programmes, counselling and therapy are common interventions for mild cases of PND, while severe cases require anti-depressants that are safe to take when breastfeeding.
In chronic cases of PND, where there’s a risk that the mother may harm herself or the baby, a short period in hospital or a mental health clinic is required.
'I am blessed that my husband is supporting me during these tough and trying times, and that my family is helping with the baby to ensure I can get better soon.
'Right now, things are overwhelming and I feel like I cannot do this on my own.
'But I am sure I am on the path to recovery.'