From casualty to cuckoo's nest

Regular Loose Woman readers will know that hospitals and doctors have featured a lot in my life over the last 18 months.

Apart from lots of normal run-of-the-mill check-ups after having breast cancer last year, it seems that I have contracted just about every side-effect going from the radiotherapy - from shingles to fibrosis.

Many of these are just little niggles but last month I started feeling rather poorly and ended up in the A&E at Villajoyosa hospital.

Now, any regular A&E visitor (as I have become!) knows that you can turn up there at 9am and be out by 9.30.... or, as in this latest case, get there at 1pm and find out at 9pm that they are keeping you in!

Fortunately, I am one of those people who always find something interesting to watch and new people to talk to so I manage to pass the time quite easily.

I have to say a big thank you here to my pal Barbara and daughter Becky, who refused to leave the hospital until I had found out what was happening so spent the whole day mooching around waiting for information.

Anyway, there I was, the nurse had taken my details and told me to wait in the small area 'behind Puerta 3'. It was fairly busy and I had to sit next to a young man who had no shirt on and whose smelly trainers were on the floor while his dirty feet were on the seat next to mine.

A door opened and the youth was called in while an older lady wrapped in a sheet was sent out to sit in a wheelchair and wait for an ambulance to take her home. I heard the doctor call her Natalia and she was obviously very agitated, wrapping her hair around her fingers and muttering under her breath.

As is the norm, everyone was trying to avoid catching her eye - the elephant in the room - in the fear that they might get involved in some drama or other. But she was 'parked' right next to me so I couldn't just ignore the poor lady, could I??

At the same time there was a very smart albeit large young blonde woman wandering the waiting room with a mobile. She looked very official and I thought she was perhaps a rep for a drug company or something.

A few minutes later the shirtless young fella left and the doctor called "Cristina". The blonde lady gathered her belongings and went in to the consulting room.

Meanwhile Natalia was getting more and more upset because an ambulance had not arrived so I sat holding her hand and trying to calm her down. She had, after all, been sitting there for over half an hour and was still being ignored by everyone else.

A few minutes later the blonde lady came out of the consulting room and stopped beside Natalia, asking her what was wrong. She crouched down beside the wheelchair and talked quite rationally about her symptoms.

By this time, I had her down as a social worker or even a physiotherapist (as she started massaging Natalia's legs). She was covered in bling and decided that Natalia wanted some of it so she started draping big chunky necklaces and bracelets on the poor woman.

This was when alarm bells started ringing in my head and, when the doctor took Cristina's arm and tried to persuade her to accompany him and another lady, the penny dropped.

After arguing with the doctors and telling Natalia not to take her meds as they were poisoning her, she went off somewhere with the doctors.

However, there was soon an almighty scuffle from outside and two security guards rushed through, practically dragging Cristina with them while the doctor ran behind with medication. Apparently, the woman had floored both guards outside and was resisting being admitted.

Of course, the sight of two uniformed guards, a needlewielding doctor and a screaming, spitting Cristina did nothing to calm down Natalia who jumped up hysterically and burst into tears!

Just as I had calmed her down again, they called me through for tests but, as luck would have it, Becky had come through to see if I knew anything, so I left her in charge as I went for my blood tests, x-rays, oxygen treatment. Yes, it's obviously a family thing, this compulsion to help all and sundry!

(Apparently, the ambulance arrived shortly after so Natalia got home OK and Cristina never reappeared so was obviously kept in to take those meds that were poisoning her!)

After more tests and more waiting I was eventually admitted into the observation ward but, after just an hour on the monitors and oxygen, was taken upstairs and given a bed on the third floor. As the two very nice nurses settled me in they explained that María Luisa in the next bed was 84 years old, blind and very disorientated but assured me she wasn't aggressive! She had been brought from the residential home that afternoon and didn't really know where she was.

Halfway through the night I was woken up by someone stumbling between my bed and my bedside table. María Luisa was on the move!

She told me she was looking for her clothes that were always kept in the nightstand and that was beside the bed. I tried to explain to her that we were in the hospital and that she had to get back into bed but she was convinced that she was still in the residencia and that the door that should have been beside her bed had been plastered over.

The poor lady was upset because she didn't know where her clothes and slippers were (there were none to be found in the room) and "how can I go out dressed like this?"

The main problem was that she kept getting out of bed but between not being able to see and the disorientation she risked falling over and hurting herself. While the nurses did their best to keep an eye on her, I was obviously more on hand so spent a lot of my three-day stay getting up, putting her back into bed and trying to reassure her she was in good hands.

I was sent home after the weekend so don't know what happened to her but by my last day she was telling me all about the dogs and cats she had had as a young child and she seemed to accept she needed to get better before she would be given her clothes.

I have to say that, apart from one stroppy little madam, all the nurses were lovely and I noticed that there were a lot more young men on the wards than there ever used to be.

Hopefully, I won't be going back for a while but no doubt if I end up there again I will meet yet another bunch of very interesting people who will keep me on my toes!!