Living with a workaholic
Living with anyone who has an obsession can be challenging, but a workaholic in the family is different for a number of reasons. If the family of the workaholic shares the same values then the problem is substantially reduced, it is when one person in the family unit suffers with the condition that problems arise.
Of course, the term “workaholic” may not relate to just work. It may relate to any activity that skews a person’s life, such as sport, music, art, science or even study. It is not the amount of work carried out, it is the obsession that is the problem
Most people have a need to work long hours at some point in their lives. Students may need to do so in order to pass an exam; a doctor in training needs to do the same. There are times when a young father needs to increase his working hours to pay for some unexpected cost. The key is that when the immediate need is removed, that the compulsion to work ends.
A workaholic is a person who compulsively work hard and long hours
There are several keys to the condition that must be understood. Firstly, the work may not be a pleasure, it is a need. This means that those who cannot think of anything more enjoyable to do could be excluded. Secondly, the work activity is carried out to an obsessional degree and compulsively which means that the person is driven, with little personal decision making taking place.
The need to work can never be satisfied
If the workaholic has some spare minutes, it will be filled with more work. The person may recognise their condition or may have poor insight, believing that everyone else is lazy and should be ashamed of themselves.
It is important to recognise that there may be a difference between the person’s work effort and work results. The work graph has two axis, the first being work action and the second being work achievement. The workaholic may work long hours but be relatively unproductive taken on an hourly basis. The workaholic may work harder but not smarter; the total output may not increase, just the work and time put in.
In reality, the workaholic has a form of obsession that may be a form of OCD where the emphasis is on carrying out work to the exclusion of reason, and a balance in life.
It is interesting that Workaholics Anonymous was formed in 1983 and now has branches in many countries. The organisation suggests the following questions to define someone who has a problem.
1 Are you more drawn to your work or activity than close relationships, rest, etc.?
2 Are there times when you are motivated and push through tasks when you don’t even want to and other times when you procrastinate and avoid them when you would prefer to get things done?
3 Do you take work with you to bed? On weekends? On vacation?
4 Are you more comfortable talking about your work than other topics?
5 Do you pull allnighters? 6 Do you resent your work or the people at your workplace for imposing so many pressures on you?
7 Do you avoid intimacy with others and/or yourself?
8 Do you resist rest when tired and use stimulants to stay awake longer?
9 Do you take on extra work or volunteer commitments because you are concerned that things won't otherwise get done?
10 Do you regularly underestimate how long something will take and then rush to complete it?
11 Do you immerse yourself in activities to change how you feel or avoid grief, anxiety, and shame?
12 Do you get impatient with people who have other priorities besides work?
13 Are you afraid that if you don't work hard all the time, you will lose your job or be a failure?
14 Do you fear success, failure, criticism, burnout, financial insecurity, or not having enough time?
15 Do you try to multitask to get more done?
16 Do you get irritated when people ask you to stop doing what you're doing in order to do something else?
17 Have your long hours caused injury to your health or relationships?
18 Do you think about work or other tasks while driving, conversing, falling asleep, or sleeping?
19 Do you feel agitated when you are idle and/or hopeless that you'll ever find balance?
20 Do you feel like a slave to your email, texts, or other technology?
If you answered 'yes' to three or more of these questions, you may be a workaholic.
Of course there can be some benefits to being a workaholic. The main one being that these people can earn more that others. Though this may seem obvious, it is not always the case. It might also be thought that workaholics are attractive to most employers; again this is not always the case.
Employers find workaholics difficult because they are not team players, and are usually overly critical of their colleagues.
Though the benefits of being a workaholic are limited, the problems are huge. Some of the more obvious ones include:
1 They eventually lose the ability to maintain proper relationships and be intimate.
2 A poor life balance with little fun and recreation.
3 Any reduction in productivity or spare time can cause anxiety.
4 The sight of colleagues or family not being active can cause anxiety.
5 The person’s value system is skewed to action rather than thought.
6 Workaholics are not team players and are hard to live with.
7 Statistically, workaholics have a divorce rate double the average.
The cause, like most psychological complaints, is acquired, often by mimicking the behaviour of someone else in the family. While a good work ethic is a good characteristic to acquire, an obsession is not. It is also often caused by low self esteem or a search for perfection, both of which need to be addressed in a different way.
There are ways of treating a workaholic, but the person must wish to change. Those around the person must live a normal life and refuse to adapt their behaviour to enable the workaholic to continue with their obsession.
The family of the workaholic must discuss normal behaviour with the sufferer so that norms can be established. Unless action is taken, the condition will not resolve itself.
Living with anyone who has an obsession can be challenging, the reward and high esteem enjoyed by the workaholic can make it a difficult condition to give up.