Help and Advice

Columnist and trained counsellor Fiona Caine advises a lady on what to do about being treated rudely by a shop assistant and a mother of a young boy who is losing his hair.

Should I make a complaint?

I went shopping with my elderly mother to help her buy a new winter coat. We went to one of the shops she likes and has used many times before and she found a coat she wanted to try on.

The buttons were a bit stiff and, as I had my toddler with me, she asked the assistant to undo them for her (mum has arthritis in her hands). The assistant was really rude and said if she couldn't undo the buttons herself, there wasn't much point in her trying it on. Then she accused my mum of removing the ticket, so she could try and buy it cheaper.

Mum's tough and gave as good as she got, but I know she was hurt and shaken by this. Since then, she's been reluctant to go shopping with me. Should I go back to the shop and complain? I'm not one for getting people into trouble.

P. V.

Fiona says: ‘ask to speak to the manager’

You may not be one for getting people into trouble, but this assistant's behaviour was unacceptable. If it continues, it could - and may already have - affected sales figures at the shop, and the owners won't be happy about that.

There may be mitigating circumstances; perhaps she was new and didn't know that your mother was a regular customer; perhaps she was simply having a bad, stressful day. Whatever the cause, though - your mother didn't deserve this sort of treatment.

You could go into the shop and confront the sales assistant yourself, but you might find this embarrassing. My preferred route would be to go in and ask to speak to the manager. Explain what happened and point out that your mother has been a regular customer who has now been deeply offended and is reluctant to return. If you can't cope with doing that face-to-face, you could phone or write instead.

You don't say if this was a branch of a larger chain but, if it is, and you don't get a satisfactory response, then contact the shop's head office. I would hope that they would not only apologise, but that they'd offer some kind of compensation to encourage her back.

As for shopping in the future, I hope your mother can be encouraged back perhaps you could take her into shops that you know well and where you are confident she will be welcomed.

Should I let my boyfriend take photos I feel uncomfortable about?

My boyfriend wants to take pictures of us in bed. He says that our sex life has become a bit dull and he thinks that spicing things up will help us get back some of our earlier passion.

I'm not sure though, as I am worried it seems a bit perverted. When I said that, though, he told me I was overreacting and clearly not interested in saving our relationship. I can't see why he should think it was in need of saving anyway, because as far as I am concerned, we are happy, and I love him. Do you think he will leave me if I don't go through with this?

A.P.

Fiona says: ‘Don't agree to anything you don't want to do’

In a caring relationship, no one should pressure you to do something you are uncomfortable with. What's more, considering the problems people have had with ex-partners posting revenge pictures on social media, I'd strongly caution you against agreeing to this.

Why does he think taking pictures will improve your relationship anyway? If he genuinely wants things to work between you, there are far better ways to build a relationship than by bullying someone.

Some couples are quite happy to use intimate photographs as part of their love life, but it requires an enormous amount of trust on both sides. If you don't feel you can completely trust your boyfriend, or can't be sure how he'd use these photographs at some point in the future - or if you simply don't like the idea - then don't do it. If he can't or won't accept this, then he's a bully - and you're better off without him.

Why is my son losing his hair?

My son is only 22 and already his hair is starting to fall out. He's very distressed by this and thinks no girl will fancy him if he's bald. I've tried reassuring him, but it hasn't helped; nor have the dozens of products and special shampoos he's tried.

There is no history of baldness in our family, as far as I know, so I am wondering if there is something else wrong. He's generally fit and healthy, but he's very stressed by his high pressured job, so I'm wondering if this could be part of the problem,

A.S.

Fiona says: book in with the doctor Do please encourage him to check with his G.P. Sustained stress can certainly create health problems, and hair loss is not uncommon under such circumstances - both for men and women. If there is no history of baldness in your family, it makes sense to rule out any medical cause first. Until he's done so, I'd also suggest he stops using products that could be making things worse.

Meanwhile, perhaps you could encourage him to look at ways of relieving stress; learning relaxation techniques, taking up yoga or Tai Chi would be good, but might not suit him. In which case, taking up a physically-active sport could help channel his stress levels.

Finally, point out that, far from being a turn-off, many women find bald heads sexy!