Old habits die hard

With a hey-nonny-nonny, a fiddle-de-dee and no further ado, what follows is the continued pro’s and con’s, machinations and pandemic adventures of a retired English City Gent.

Call me old fashioned if you will but old habits die hard and I have always thought that tried and trusted means are always the safest. Or put it another way, things stay within my comfort zone.

So what to do in a pandemic when all of a sudden you are requested to shield, which means you are not allowed to venture outside for anything and become totally dependent on the kindness of others, be it family members or volunteers. And what had started as three weeks isolation and a bit of a novelty suddenly becomes two months and then four and a half months in lock down before finally being allowed to emerge once more into a brave new world.

I have always paid my bills by cheque over the counter and never objected to queueing. I look at it as a little bit of ‘me time’ if you will – time to step out of the hurly-burly of everyday life for a short while and to reflect. It was also an opportunity to chat to the cashier, stop off for a coffee and perhaps bump into one or two old acquaintances with a similar outlook on life.

I enjoyed wandering the streets, stopping and occasionally visiting stores, purchasing whatever caught my eye. And that’s how life was for years until a particularly nasty little character by the name of coronavirus came along and changed our lives. For those wondering at my choice of words, coronavirus was the bad guy in one of Asterix the Gaul’s many adventures, Asterix and the Chariot Race. I guess Uderzo must have had a premonition of things to come, as it was published in late 2017. Perhaps he saw the irony as I remember reading his obituary in March 2020 just as we went into lock down.

(I am led to believe that Asterix was a comic book cum/periodical hero?* cartoon character obviously beyond my ken…..I know nothing, I from Barcelona! M.S.)

I digress. All of a sudden a credit card statement arrives in the post. I am well and truly out of my comfort zone now. Do I seek the assistance of DDD (dearest darling daughter) as I cannot get to the bank to do what the younger generation do, pay online?

Shortly thereafter, I had the good fortune to win on a premium bond – but how to bank the cheque which is valid only for three months was something else. Thankfully, DDD lives but a few miles distant and is able to bail me out on this occasion. However, it is a wake-up call and I know that I cannot ask her to do my every bidding.

There is no option so I have to bite the bullet.

Thankfully, I already have internet access to my bank accounts but have used it for little more than to check balances and occasionally move money between accounts. I logon, take a deep breath, follow the instructions and, wonder of wonders, it works! So easy and so convenient and all done in front of a monitor without having to leave home. A thought crosses my mind - – Why did I not think of doing this before?

As for the premium bond warrant, I noticed that it helpfully stated that I can register online and arrange for future payments to be made direct to my bank account going forward. It takes a little longer to set up, as it seems everyone had the same idea and the people at NS&I are inundated with requests. However, it is another thing ticked off the list and I am now waiting for my first win to be credited to my bank account. And these winnings are taxfree.

Mention of tax brings to memory yet another of my old habits, which fell to the pandemic. For years HM Customs & Revenue had kindly sent me a paper tax return to fill in which I did, paid the postage (long gone are the days of prepaid return envelopes.) and mailed back before waiting for the good or bad news (I.e. do they owe me money or do I owe them) in due course.

Imagine my horror when I receive a letter from HMRC shortly into the pandemic informing me that if I want to fill in a paper return I need to download it and print it for myself as well as buying an envelope and paying the postage. What would Ebenezer (Scrooge) think!

But hang on, the letter also says I can register online for self-assessment and complete my tax return in the comfort of my own home… and what’s more it means I can complete my tax return without having to venture out on to streets full of people quite literally trying to avoid each other like the plague.

Tempus fugit and everything is done. I’ve become my own tax inspector and I owe ‘em nowt! Looking back I now wonder why it took a pandemic to lead me to change the habits of a lifetime…..It’s never too late to learn however, an old dog can learn new tricks and the pandemic got a positive score of a different sort… for me!

Mike’s ‘comfort zone’ comment was a bit of a ‘porky.’ I vividly remember having to fly him from Speke airport to Reading University in a Cessna after he crashed on a motorcycle. Malcolm Smith.