Help and advice
Columnist and trained counsellor Fiona Caine advises a woman who is having an affair with a married man and a young couple considering marriage. me again and now I am hurt and terrified that this might be for good.
"How can he keep doing this to me?"
Fiona says it’s time to say goodbye for good!
"Because he's a selfish, manipulative man who is using you for sex and who clearly has no intention of ever leaving his family to be with you. I'm sorry if this seems harsh but you've been badly hurt twice already, and you need to understand that, should he return, he is very likely to do it again.
"Is this really the type of man that you want? Wouldn't you rather have a relationship with someone who genuinely cares for you and who is free to be with you?
"I know that you're hurting but please, for the sake of your self-respect, don't let this man back into your life. I'd even encourage you to think about moving to make it less easy for him to find you again. Three years is more than long enough to be treated so badly - so give yourself the Christmas present you really need and put him out of your life." "In the New Year, when I am 22, I will have lived with my boyfriend for four years. We have a lovely daughter who is two and a nice flat together, and while we seem happy, I'm worried about the future.
"I think it's important that we get married, not just because it confirms our commitment to each other but also because it would be better for our daughter. However, he thinks we're too young to go through a marriage and gets a bit angry whenever I mention it.
"Why is he doing this and why can't he see how important it is? Should I insist on it?"
Fiona says could backfire’
"I am not sure that would help. He has made his current feelings on the matter clear and if you try to force change on him with such an ultimatum, it is likely to backfire. It may simply push him into a decision that neither of you seems to want, namely that he leaves you.
"That said, if marriage is off the cards now, I see nothing wrong with getting some clarification about the future from him. For example, at what point will you both stop being 'too young'? And, if he loves you, does he see a time when you could be married?
"I think you might also remind him that, whatever your relationship status, you both have a duty of care to your daughter. If marriage continues to not be an option, one thing that could help her is for both of you to have a will. Naming each other as the main beneficiary (or your daughter, if you both die) would give you valuable reassurance that her future would be more secure."