5 TIPS FOR EVERY NEWLY MARRIED COUPLE
CHALLENGES WILL COME, SO IT'S BEST TO REALIZE THAT THEY ARE NORMAL. WHILE IT IS UNHEALTHY TO LIVE IN A PATTERN OF HOSTILITY, DON’T THINK THAT UNEXPECTED DIFFICULTY OR CONFLICT MEANS YOU SHOULD START LOOKING FOR THE EXIT RAMP
1. Expect Challenges
Unexpected conflict can surprise you when it surfaces after the wedding, or even years later. Challenges will come, so it's best to realize that they are normal. While it is unhealthy to live in a pattern of hostility, don't think that unexpected difficulty or con- flict means you should start looking for the exit ramp. Find someone to help you navigate the issues and learn new ways to communicate and resolve problems.
2. Listen. Talk. Find a mentor
Communication is obviously the key to any great relationship and we can't do full justice to the issue except to summarize: We don't really “hear” what another person is s aying because we either react defensively or think only of what we want to s ay in response.
Don't bury your feelings, but learn how to wisely make your deep
est needs known.
Avoid s aying “You always…. You never .” Use “I feel” terms instead. (This is basic Communication that many have heard, but still don't practice.)
Ask directly for forgiveness, and respond with forgiveness. Holding hands when you t alk helps break a cycle of anger. Research also finds that couples who pray privately and regularly together have vastly more successful marriages.
Find a trusted friend or older, wiser couple who will be supportive of your marriage (not just affirm your negativity), and will help you, ideally both of you together, work through issues of communication.
3. Maintain Intimacy
Keep intimacy intact. Don't take your partner's fidelity for granted. Even if there are times of understandable slow down, (raising children can cause exhaustion, aging brings changes in capacity), stay determined not to let these seasons bring intimacy to a halt.
4. Don’t use the "D" Word
Divorce should not be a part of your relationship vocabulary. It creates subconscious damage that is hard to repair. Marriage functions best when it is viewed as a covenant and not consumer relationship—meaning it is a lifelong vow, not something disposable if your needs are not met.
5. "Date” Each Other
It may seem you have plenty of together time when you plop in front of the TV every night, but a strong marriage, like parenting, is also about quality time. Go out for dinner, take in a movie, go for a walk. Find something you might like in common—cross country skiing, book clubs, ballroom dance classes, or church study groups.