how to... just say NO!

It’s the two-letter word that many of us find impossible to say. We tie ourselves up in knots, doing things we don’t want to do instead of politely refusing. ‘People are trained into saying Yes by their upbringing, to keep the peace or to be polite. Bear in mind that the world’s not going to end if you say No,’ says clinical psychologist Jane McCartney. But do you actually do it? Here's Jane’s expert guide...

BUY TIME

For many of us, the word Yes flies out of our mouths as a panic response — so practise the phrase: ‘Can I get back to you on that?’

It should be the first thing you say to anyone. Do not be pushed into giving an answer. If they persist, say: ‘I have to look at my diary,’ and remember that if someone gets annoyed or huffy, it is their problem.

BE POLITE

Carried out well with a smile and a light but assertive tone a polite refusal won’t cause offence. Saying No doesn’t mean being rude. Simply say: ‘I’m sorry but I can’t help this time,’ or ‘I’m sorry but I’m not free then’. You don’t have to justify yourself. The more you explain and apologise the more ammunition you are giving the other person to try to change your mind.

KEEP A FAVOUR TALLY

Do you ever notice the people who ask you favours time and again are rarely the type to return them? These people are not real friends. Real friends will not want to take advantage of you.

EVALUATE

If you’re asked to do someone a favour, decide whether you have time. The issue at the heart of saying No is whether you should put your own needs ahead of others.

Sometimes you should put others first — the world would be a rotten place if you didn’t help out friends, family and colleagues from time to time. But we also have to look after our own interests.

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

If the very thought of uttering the two-letter word is terrifying, then start saying No in situations that don’t matter.

So, if you’re not in a position to help, perhaps give a firm No to a Chugger (charity street worker), or to a door-to-door salesman.