COMPETITIVE MOTHERING

Cambridge dictionary defines ‘mothering’ as the process of caring for children, either one’s own children or caring for another, as a mother would do to a child. Yourdictionary.com defines mothering as “the essential work of mothering is trying to keep children alive” (Janna Malamud Smith). Well, whoever says whatever, primarily, mothering includes a repertoire of verbs and nouns such as caring, protecting, rearing, loving and mostly, the sacrificial nurturing love of a mother, towards her children. In the by-gone era, a mother’s caring nature extended well beyond the borders of her own home and perimeter of her own children. This is my first hand experience, as I walk in from that by-gone era to the current era where the future is thrust upon us by ever evolving technology, before we could wake up and take our first blink for the day. In that era, which unfortunately, is by-gone, I remember a mother cooking food for her own, as well as a most indigent neighbour and her brood of five or six children next door. I also remember a father, well versed in mathematics and English, teaching the poor in the village free, so that many could realise their dreams. Mothers sewed dresses, free of charge for the next door kid, whose parents couldn’tafford a, rather reasonably priced seamstress, those days. Mothering, extended well beyond the front door of the mothers, to reach out to the children of the poor and needy around them. Come the age of technology, education (or so we think), the space shuttles, split second info exchange and all in all, the modern era, has mothering remained the same? Or, what are the stresses that press out the real mother in a woman, so that her innate nature of mothering is overshadowed by the many pressures of the modern era? On the morning of my writing, I was seated on a park bench. Sri Lanka’s beauty never fails to amaze me although, sometimes, I need to look beyond a garbage heap. Several mothers (well, they talked about their respective children) were seated on the next bench. The chit-chat, obviously, was about how well each one’s child is doing in school. Then comes the competitive mothering to get their brood through the five-year scholarship exam! Bent in double for the weight of the bag, the little mites shuffle with the mother hurrying along with bag and baggage herself, with enough food and drink for the day. Education for the sake of education, is great – but for the sake of competition with the child next door, is shame. Then of course the most devastating blow on childhood and real competitive mothering. The Little Stars and Real Little Stars and Little Dancing Stars that take to the stage amid the applause and

hurrays of their parents, who scarcely think about the psychological scarring their children will have post their starring attempts. If there is a vote to ban the Child Star concerts, I will be at the polling station, well ahead of time to say an emphatic NO to this sorry display of the slaying of childhood innocence. Can these be banned please, in Sri Lanka? Not only the child stars, mothers compete with each other, although not on stage but warring in their minds to ensure their little girl or boy gains the star status on the concert stage. If mothering is a nurturing role, primarily, what would be the lasting effects on a child’s life, when nurturing take the ugly turn towards grooming to compete before their age? I’ve listened to many stories of how mothers, confront teachers, just in case the child did not get the marks the mother hoped it would. I have also asked, why the mothers – how about the fathers? Often the response is, it’s the mother that comes with her fangs outs ready to claw the teacher. Some go the extra mile and compare so and-so’s daughter is not as good as mine, so how come, she got more marks? Oh dear – no wonder today’s children hardly know to take NO for an answer, when they move into real society. If our children are to be retrieved for their sake and for the greater good of whatever country they may choose to live in, then mothering needs to be retrieved as a nurturing role, not a competitive one. First twelve years of a child, is mostly spent in the shadow of his/her mother. A girl child may well be in the shadow of her mother for a longer period. They will become adults in time and there is a

IF THERE IS A VOTE TO BAN THE CHILD STAR CONCERTS, I WILL BE AT THE POLLING STATION, WELL AHEAD OF TIME TO SAY AN EMPHATIC NO TO THIS SORRY DISPLAY OF THE SLAYING OF CHILDHOOD INNOCENCE. CAN THESE BE BANNED PLEASE, IN SRI LANKA?

time-frame for that. We mothers, need not compete with each other to make them arrive there too soon. Let mothering revert to what it is supposed to be – nurturing. If you are a nurturing, not a competitive mother, do pass the article onto someone who might benefit out of it. This is a deep social ailment I’ve noticed and I thought of penning them here. All of the above are mothers and some grand-mothers.