Daily Mirror (Sri Lanka) - - PARENTING LIFE -

Whilst Meghan Markle wel­comed a bouncy baby boy last week, the queen of re­al­ity T.V Kim Kard­hashian wel­comed her fourth child through a sur­ro­gate just a few days ago. Ba­bies are born every minute, and usu­ally the new mother, whether it’s her first or last is bom­barded with realms of in­for­ma­tion. From the Aun­tie next door with her old wives so­lu­tions to the lady at the gro­cery store line who knows it all, every­body wants to get their piece of ad­vice in! A new baby is like a ticket to the most great­est ride in the theme park of your life. You are greeted with magic and won­der. Each day is a new day with brand new dis­cov­er­ies. Amongst all that lure and won­der also lies a cer­tain amount of hard­ship. Sleep­less nights, cracked nip­ples, fa­tigue, post natal re­cov­er­ies, changes to your body, both good and bad, the fledg­ling new mother bran­dishes these af­flic­tions like a true war­rior. Whilst been avalanched with a plethora on in­for­ma­tion of all the do's and don't there are also snip­pets of ad­vice that will not be told to a new mother, here are raw tips and truths!

1. You will feel like a to­tal fail­ure: Whether this is your first or last baby, each jour­ney into moth­er­hood is dif­fer­ent. Much like good old Alice, it will have you spi­ralling into a strange rab­bit hole where you will be feel emo­tion­ally and phys­i­cally out of con­trol. There will be dark days, and that is okay. Do not feel guilty about cry­ing over the hard days. You are not to be judged or deemed at be­ing un­grate­ful. The re­al­ity is that moth­er­hood is hard, and once ev­ery­one has left at the end of the day af­ter coo­ing and dron­ing out words of ad­vice, it’s only you left hold­ing the cry­ing baby into the wee hours of the night. It will get bet­ter and you are okay to have bad days!.

2. You will ache.. ev­ery­where and all the time: I still re­mem­ber not be­ing able to look down at my cae­sarean scar. Plan­ning for a na­turel de­liv­ery, things took a turn for the worse and sud­denly I was in the the­ater room, get­ting a cae­sarean done. My beau­ti­ful lit­tle new­born took the sting away from the monstrosit­y of events that had been done to my body, sliced open and a tiny hu­man be­ing pulled out. After­ward I was in shock. My body shocked me at every move­ment, the scar throbbed, my breast heavy with the new milk, my back ached un­der my body weight, ev­ery­thing hurt. There is no one else other than a new mother who can re­late to you the ef­fects of post trauma on your body. For­tu­nately the eu­pho­ria of a new baby numbs the re­al­i­ties of stretched skin, flabby thighs, and body which will never re­turn to its orig­i­nal shape. There will be days like this.

3. In­for­ma­tion over­load: Every­body loves a new baby, and every­body needs to give ad­vice. Re­mem­ber that you do not have to lis­ten to it all. Some ad­vice will be help­ful but most are old wives tales, like don't use a soother, al­ways rock your baby, or never put the baby clothes in the wash­ing ma­chine. As moth­ers we are ex­pected to have ba­bies and still carry on with the daily go­ings on of life. Do what works for you, you will al­ways have the best in­ter­ests of your baby at heart. You have an in­ter­nal alarm sys­tem when you know your baby needs help. Trust that and stick to your nat­u­ral in­stincts and the rest will fol­low.

4. It takes a vil­lage: New ba­bies are tiny lit­tle things which you can fit in the crook of your hand, but look­ing af­ter these new in­di­vid­u­als re­quires a lot of work, and that means a num­ber of peo­ple. So do not feel em­bar­rassed, guilty or trou­bled to ask for help. Give your­self the time to spend with your new­born and let some­one else cook, clean and do the laun­dry. It is okay and is only ex­pected af­ter the bat­tle you have just gone through phys­i­cally and men­tally to cre­ate this per­fect lit­tle hu­man. Moth­er­hood is a mys­ti­cal mag­i­cal world we have the priv­i­lege of en­ter­ing. Do not let the opin­ion hold­ers or what you should do­ers dis­tract you from this beau­ti­ful relationsh­ip you have fallen into. Bury your­self in the baby sweet smells, for this is how you will hap­pily every af­ter!

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