TINTIN: Adventure...

That is until the bill arrives! (“Freeloaders, Pirates, Profiteers, Black-marketers, Politiciansetc.”)

Meanwhile, Thompson and Thomson, who like to dress up like the locals to blend in, are in sarong and banian but with their trademark bowler hats on.

“The climate is humid and hot,” says Thompson. “To be precise, hot and humid!” says Thomson.

They are walking along the harbour road with a large crowd of local touts following them: “You want hotel sir? You want taxi sir? You want tour sir? You want buy gems sir? Buy tea?”etc. Thomp & Thom enter the GOH and bump into Tintin and the Captain.

“Shshsh! Top- secret! Interpol has sent us to protect you. Roberto Rastapopoulos is in the Mount Lavinia Hotel. He is smuggling fake gems!” “To be precise, jake fems!”

Tintin and Captain rush out to catch a train from Colombo Fort to Mt. Lavinia. Thompson &Thom rush out as well but fall into open drain. Train shows no sign of leaving in a hurry. They rush out of train. Locomotive air horn blows violently and unexpectedly. The Captain trips up on a suitcase and falls off the platform. “Blistering barna-

Anybody who wants to become a Tintinologist should read “Tintin: The Complete Companion” by Michael Farr, which is still in print. cles etc”.

Tintin hails a three wheeler. Driver asks for $200. Tintin commandeers the threewheeler. Captain Haddock collides with the statue of Colonel Olcott outside Fort Railway Station. Head of statue breaks off and falls on the Captain’s backpack smashing several bottles of whiskey. Snowy licks up whiskey. Drunk Snowy staggers onto path of speeding bus. Tintin rescues Snowy. Tintin hits bus driver with a left hook. Captain Haddock kicks bus conductor but misses and stubs toe against footboard. Crowd cheers!

The three-wheeler is stuck in traffic near the Liberty Cinema. Villains in a sinisterlooking black Mercedes Benz approach.no number plates. Villains open fire with T1 assault rifle and chuck hand grenade. Tintin throws back grenade into Mercedes. Mercedes explodes. Locals rush to pick up bits of car as spares.

Tintin & Captain then get on a crowded bus. They are standing. “Blistering barnacles! How many people can they pack into this thing?” says the Captain whilst removing someone else’s elbow from his mouth.

Massive cut-outs and walls covered with posters announce the Milanese Nightingale Bianca Castafiore’s concert at the BMICH. “That woman follows us to the ends of the earth!” says Haddock.

At the Mount Lavinia Hotel Rastapopoulos is in the company of a local politician. Allan is there as well. “Great Snakes…etc”. Brief fight ensues. Politician’s men turn up and overpower Tintin and Haddock. Snowy bites politician’s behind.

The scene now moves to Sigiriya. Tintin and Haddock are about to be pushed off the Sigiriya Rock by Rastapopoulos and his Sri Lankan partner in crime. Snowy deliberately upsets a hornet’s nest. The hornets sting the villains.this allows Tintin and Haddock to escape. They jump on a passing elephant. The villains are in hot pursuit on foot with hornets running in third place but Rastapopoulos slips on elephant dung and falls flat. Hornets sting Rastapop and his henchmen.

Meanwhile, Thompson and Thomson are hot on Tintin’s trail but, as usual, in the wrong direction. They buy an old Morris car and end up in Hikkaduwa instead of Sigiriya, having read the road map upside down and with no knowledge of Sinhalese. They bump into General Alcazar who is in Hikkaduwa running a beach shack called the “Manioca Inn”. He has been ousted again by General Manioca…i mean General Tapioca.alcazar speaks in a curious mix of Spanish, English and Sinhala: “Hola mis amigos! Como estas? Ayobowan! You like un Arrack eka and unos bites, neda?”etc.

Piotr Skut, the Baltic pilot, is flying seaplanes for an air taxi company owned by a local politician.

Chang is CEO of “Yeti Engineering, Shanghai” and has got the contract for a massive Chinese funded project at Hambantota.

Thompson and Thomson go beachcombing. Thompson steps on a sea urchin (“Yeeeow!”) and Thomson ditto (“To be precise, Yeeeow!”).

Cut to a different scene. It is Asgiriya and there is a cricket match between Sri Lanka and Syldavia. Tintin and the Captain are waiting in the stadium for Rastapopoulos and his partners in crime.

Thompson and Thomson are disguised in a traditional Sri Lankan Mudliyar type dress: Sarong, coat, hair tied into a bun and complete with a curved comb (Nami Panawa).

Match starts. Sangakkara hits a six. Ball hits Rastapopoulos on the nose who swears “GRMFKS*XX$!XXWW!!!!”. Tintin runs after Rastapopoulos. Snowy grabs ball and scarpers. Captain Haddock trips up, grabs a pillar and causes part of the stadium roof to collapse. “Billions of Blue Blistering Barnacles!...etc”

There we are! Just add more bits and the names of a few local thugs and criminals and we are in business. I will personally

This is rather contentious. Wikipedia lists destinations visited by Tintin.

There is an entry which says: “Colombo: The Blue Lotus (The SS Ranchi passed through it)”.

This ship, the SS Ranchi, may have passed through Colombo, but there is no evidence that Tintin passed through Colombo. He was kidnapped off the ship the same night that the ship set sail from Shanghai on its way to Bombay. Following this incident Tintin is taken back to China by the kidnappers.

However, at the end of this adventure, “The Blue Lotus”, Tintin sails back to Europe from Shanghai (on an un-named ship) and therefore should have passed through Colombo.

A ship by the name of S.S Ranchi actually did exist and belonged to the Peninsular & Oriental Steam Navigation Company (P&O). She apparently sailed between England and the Far East. write to Paramount and Columbia Pictures but don’t let Steven hear about this! Steven Spielberg, that is.

Like Steven Spielberg, I am happy to settle for 30% of the gross takings.