Serious note:
the Indian Ocean, I have noticed that there is a fair bit of cut-throatism and a lot of the “destruction of the environment” stuff associated with the business.
When someone recently found a bit of broken glass in a pile of earth at a place called Tammannawa, the usually guarded Sri Lankan Media reported: “Politicians galore at ‘gem pit’ auction” “The Kataragama-lunugamwehera road looks like a scene from the Western Front circa 1918”.
Hmmmmm! A fair bit of hyperbole on that last headline, but generally true!
Gem mining, legal or otherwise, causes “destruction of the environment”. Recent events in the Kataragama area, make my story of the Ridipana Estate pale into insignificance.
This is where an environmentally-con-
The technology to manufacture artificial diamonds, rubies and sapphires has been around for years, and still continues to be used, in the production of industrial diamonds and rubies.
There are also other perfectly legitimate practices for altering the characteristics of naturally occurring gems, which I believe have been practised and continue to be practised. Some techniques can be hazardous or can fall foul of existing legislation or health and safety.
It is best not to try these at home. cerned international entrepreneur like me has to come forward to save this Paradise! Perfect Gem’s..er…gems!
What most people don’t realize is that far more “perfect” gems can be manufactured artificially and without the “destruction of the environment” thing.
When lasers were first invented, the sci- entist chaps used natural rubies in their lasers. Unfortunately, natural rubies are not perfect and furthermore the Sri Lankan gem merchants at that time were charging a fortune for rubies. So some clever guy decided to make perfect, artificial, rubies for lasers.
Just open the optical drive of your computer and you will find an artificial gem in it! Yes! That’s correct! The little shiny
In order to save the environment I now propose to start manufacturing artificial gems using the aforementioned principles.
One of the problems with manufacturing synthetic gems is that one needs a lot of energy, either in the form of petroleum gases or in the form of electricity.
I am pleased to say that I have located cheap sources of both! There is plenty of gas in Siberia, Russia. I once met a pretty, short- skirted and red lip- sticked Siberian Russian girl by the name of Galina Ivanova (“Gala” to her clients). She later wrote to me asking for money to set up a factory of sorts to make artificial diamonds. I gladly obliged and sent the poor girl a lot of money but I haven’t heard from her since then. Maybe she is still busy laying the gas pipes.
As for hydro-electricity, the country which has the biggest surplus of it is Paraguay. Paraguay is probably the most corrupt country in the world.
They sell most of it, electricity as well as corruption, to Brazil; but with the unused megawatts, they electrocute fish in the Rio Parana. (This practice is a local pastime and similar to dynamiting fish. We are not alone in that respect!)
My Paraguayan friend and business partner, Senor Ignacio “El Bandido” del Gordo, to give his full name, recently wrote to me to say that all was in place for a hydroelectric powered gem manufacturing facility near Ciudad del Este, Paraguay.
“Si! Si! Senor! Estamoslisto!” he says,
Anyway, I have now set up a company called Consolidated Gem’s of Paradise, or Con-gem’s for short. The company is registered in Burkina Faso as well as in Thailand for good measure, but the head office is in Colombo: Basement Flat 01, Paradise Towers (still under construction), behind St John’s Fish Market, Pettah.
This makes us a Multi-national Company. It is easy to register companies anywhere.
We can produce 100% artificial, genuine gem’s…er…i mean, gems. All we now need is some start-off capital in the form of Dollars….to buy Pisco.
Between Gala, Ignacio and me and most importantly, with your financial support, we could put the whole Sri Lankan gem business out of business!
At least that way, we will be able to stop the “ruination of the environment” thing and stop people from falling into and drowning in gem pits! Of their own making!