Although you are gone, you’ll always be there for me

“I never got a chance to choose the man to be my Dad. But I sure thank my lucky stars for the taste my mother had”- Unknown.

I can’t even imagine how to begin an appreciation of a man who is not just my father- but my best friend, my hero and idol.

Rohana Silva was no ordinary man, no ordinary husband and most of all no ordinary father. I remember as a child I used to say that when I grow up I want to marry my father. As absurd as it sounds now, I think what I meant back then was, that I cannot imagine ever loving any man the way I loved my dad. And to this day that remains true.

My father was a pillar of strength not just in my life but in my sisters and my mother’s too. There is no possible way that I can put into words the love he gave us all. I wouldn’t do him justice if I try to put in to words the unconditional love, the calm and cool advice, the assurance that he is right there to catch us if any of us did fall and most of all the uncanny ability to make our house a loving home- a home of happiness, joy and love.

I guess the saying that God plucks the best fruits first is true. And I also guess there is some truth in the world famous quote which says everything happens for a reason. But I don’t think it’s ever likely that I will see a reason as to why God decided that he needed my dad more than I do right now. The only possible explanation that I can come up with for the past one year is that dad was always an angel and God decided that it was time for him to return up to where he belongs.

I had always heard that life wasn’t easy. But for 22 years I had everything I ever wanted and I was loved and cared for. I didn’t know a rough side to life. I didn’t know what loneliness meant. I didn’t know what hurting really meant. And my father was my hero. Because he made sure I felt I was loved. He made sure I knew that he would never give up on me no matter what I did. That I could always turn to him. He would listen to anything I had to say and would never judge me. And most of all, no matter what I did or said, he had forgiveness in his heart. Not a moment went by that I felt I was alone because no matter what happened, I knew he would always- always stand by me. Needless to say, my world stopped turning the minute his heart stopped beating.

Now I know what it means to be lonely. And I know what it’s like to hurt. But miracles do happen. Even as I write this my father is standing right beside me. Now I have my own guardian angel. Even though there is many a night where I cry myself to sleep, I sense his presence near me and I see his flash of light letting me know that nothing has changed. And noth- ing ever will.

My dad is remembered by everyone who knew and associated with him as a handsome man who never aged and had an enormous heart which was always ready to forgive, to trust and give second chances. There are many lessons that I learnt through his life and most of them were not even intentionally taught to me. Just watching him go through life the way he did, being loved by all he knew, being calm and cool in situations that would turn an ordinary man into turmoil and above all- his priorities in life and how he would always put our family first has taught me far more than any lesson he intended to teach me.

I still long and ache to see that calm smile, to hear that laugh that I love, to see those light brown eyes light up every morning when I bid him good morning and to just hold his hand and feel like a little princess again.

If I can grow up to be half the person he was, then I know I have had a successful life. To me, he will always be the centre of my world. He will always be the one man I can turn to for anything from a broken shower, broken plug point to a broken heart. And I’m proud to be the daughter of Rohana Silva.

I love you Dada.

Daughter - Nilupul Silva